Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Avoiding the $75 Nap

I have a rant in me--have had since Sunday--but there hasn't been time to post it yet..and I'm trying to decide if I really want to "go there" or not. We'll see...

The middle of this week has wreaked havoc on my teaching schedule, as the middle schools are doing something called the "Iowa Test of Basic Skills." It makes me wonder what skills Iowans consider basic, and how they relate to the rest of the country. Sure, I shouldn't lay too hard on Iowa, because a couple of my old college roommates were from there and had to endure some really idiotic queries down here whenever they mentioned their state of origin; the most aggravating one had to be "Iowa? Isn't that where they grow potatoes?"

But I can't help myself. Every time I hear the Iowa test mentioned, it reminds me of that old Crispix commercial...

FARM KID: So why is the corn side crispier, daddy?
FARM DAD: Because, son, we live in Iowa, and here in Iowa, we grow corn.

(Hmm, I'm wondering if I've been reading too much Lileks lately; this post is starting to read like a Bleat. The only difference is that his post would contain a great vintage picture of a Crispix box and a link to a video of the commercial. Ahh, to have office time during the day...)

Anyway, I've totally turned my teaching schedule inside out to avoid missing anyone during this testing. If there weren't a holiday next week (our fake "fall break," which consists of Fair Day on Monday, followed by an in-service on Tuesday), I might just have taken the morning off and taken a nap. But I don't want to miss these people for two weeks in a row, and... *does the math* let's see, five lessons at $15 each--yeah, that would have turned into a $75 nap. I don't need the sleep that much...

So in order to pull this off, I had/have to do the following:

TUESDAY: Teach one Tuesday person, two Wednesday people, a Thursday person and four regular Thursday people.

WEDNESDAY: Teach two Wednesday people, then five Tuesday people, two Thursday people and the rest of the day is regular Wednesday (that's eight people if you're keeping score; yes, I work a bit too much).

THURSDAY: Teach one Thursday person, four Wednesday people and back to two Thursday people.

Anyone dizzy from reading that? I know that I was, from figuring it out. And yes, lots of driving around too; I think I passed one school at least seven times and only actually went in there once.

....All to prove that the corn side is crispier. Our tax dollars at work.

The Subway lady needs listening lessons: Last year, I made fun of a local restaurant which always had misspellings or weird grammar on its marquee sign. The past few weeks, I've run into something on a different level: a Subway lady who is either profoundly deaf or just plain doesn't listen to people. Here was last week's exchange:

Subway lady: What vegetables would you like?
Kev: I'd like lettuce, green peppers and black olives.
SL: (after putting on the lettuce) Would you like the works?
K: No, just green peppers and black olives.
SL: Pickles?
K: (firmly) No. Just...green...peppers...and...black...olives.

And then again today:
K: Hi, I'd like a number two combo on honey oat.
SL: And what bread?
K: (looking bemused, since I'd just said this) Honey oat.
SL: And that was tuna?
K: No, not tuna, a number two.

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't mumble, so it can't be that. I'm glad it's just food that I'm ordering and not, say, a car. Who knows what I'd end up getting by mistake...


Matt said...

Ordering a car with someone like that has it's upside too. If you asked for say, your Civic, and got a Ferrari for the same price, I doubt that you'd be complaining about it. So deaf people do have their upsides. However, being very particular about my food, I'd go with a spacy person giving you your food as quite detrimental to your mental well-being.

Kev said...

Heh, that's funny. However, putting pickles on a sandwich of mine would be more like giving me a Yugo instead of a Civic... ;-)