Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Thank You, I'm Here All Week. Try the Veal.

I've really been wanting to do a post of substance; there are quite a few things in the news that I'm wanting to comment about this week, but, as you know, I'm back to full days of teaching now, and the evenings online have just been...busy. I'll get to these pressing issues in the next day or two (trust me, they'll still be "pressing" by then), but in the meantime, well, musician jokes are still running rampant on that listserv, so here's the latest batch (hopefully, they'll make up for that pseudo-lame one from last night):
  • Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other,
    "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
    The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

  • How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
    Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.

  • How do you fix a broken tuba?
    With a tuba glue.

  • What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
    You can negotiate with a terrorist.

  • One the other hand, what to a soprano and a terrorist have in common?
    Each can destroy a bridge in a matter of seconds

  • What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
    Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

  • What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
    "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

  • What's the difference between an opera conductor and a baby?
    A baby sucks its fingers.

  • Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week, he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one-third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?

  • Maestro (to Horns): "Give us the F in tune!"
    Violist (to Maestro): "Please can we have the F-in' tune too?"

  • Why did the Philharmonic disband?
    Excessive sax and violins.
I'll have real content on here tomorrow, I promise. In the meantime, I once again invite you to add your own in the comments.

Blowing out the candles: Happy birthday to Matt, my cohort in TD/D and The Artist Formerly Known as Halfling.

7 comments:

Eric Grubbs said...

Of course, there are plenty of jokes directed at my musical instrument of choice:

What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

What's the last thing a drummer says before he leaves a band?
"Hey guys, let's try a song that I wrote."

How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay him the $12 for the pizza.

What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

Gary P. said...

Continuing the theme...

How do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Eric Grubbs said...

How do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.



Seriously, I've never understood this joke. Please explain.

Kev said...

I think that joke's a cousin to this one:

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?

Drool.

Gary P. said...

Seriously, I've never understood this joke. Please explain.

When the stage isn't level, the drummer drools out of whichever side of his mouth is on the lower side of the stage. Once the stage is level, he drools out of each side of his mouth equally.

Kev said...

Heh, I think he got the part about the stage being level.

Oh, I thought of another one, kind of a leftover from the 90's:

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines that do that now.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The piano player can do that with his left hand.

Tip your waitresses generously...

Anonymous said...

drummers are people too :(

-colin