- Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other,
"Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
- How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
- How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
- What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
- One the other hand, what to a soprano and a terrorist have in common?
Each can destroy a bridge in a matter of seconds
- What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.
- What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"
- What's the difference between an opera conductor and a baby?
A baby sucks its fingers.
- Ralph loves to drink coffee. Each week, he drinks three more cups of coffee than Harold, who drinks exactly one-third the amount that the entire brass section consumes in beer. How much longer is Ralph going to live?
- Maestro (to Horns): "Give us the F in tune!"
Violist (to Maestro): "Please can we have the F-in' tune too?"
- Why did the Philharmonic disband?
Excessive sax and violins.
Blowing out the candles: Happy birthday to Matt, my cohort in TD/D and The Artist Formerly Known as Halfling.