(College) Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Musical Choices

I was helping my saxophone students select their recital pieces, and I made an attempt to have them not chose the same piece... ME. I'm trying to steer you away from this piece, because (another student) is playing it, and... KID: ...you don't want us to wear the same dress to the prom? ME: Something like that, yeah. (It's even funnier when you realize that both of the students in question are guys...)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Classical Composers

This one is playing "Menuett" by Friedrich Kuhlau, and his origin came up during s lesson... ME: Where is Kuhlau from? KID: France? ME: His first name was Friedrich, if that helps. Does that, or Kuhlau, sound like they're from anyplace in particular? KID: Hawaii? ME: No, that would be Luau. KID: Oh yeah!

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

During a quartet rehearsal, one of the players hit a glaringly wrong note in an area that had been problem-free up to that point... ME: Why did you hit a B instead of a D? KID: My eyes were fluctuating.

The Funniest Thing in My Inbox All Day

Most of the time, spam is annoying, but sometimes it's funny. The subject of this one is "Instrument components." Dear Sir/Madam, Good morning. We are the trading company, and we offer instrument parts here, if you interested, please feel free to contact us to get price list. We wish we could coporate with you. Have a nice day. Best regards, Nick (Sorry, Nick--I don't "coporate" with strangers...)

One Friday Night Each January, We Band Together

I don't do a whole lot of long-form blogging these days; besides the usual "life got complicated" thing, most of my time is spent in places like Facebook and Twitter, where posts are much shorter. But one thing I do every year is write an extended post about the All-Region Bands concert in which some of my students play.

In the past few years, there's been a "cut and paste" element to this post;while every concert is different in terms of players, conductors and repertoire, there were certain thoughts that crossed my mind every year that I felt bore repeating. But this year, as I "scribbled" down my thoughts between bands on the notes feature of my phone, I realized that there were a lot of fresh things to say, so I'm not even referencing any of the previous posts this time.

So here are the things that came to mind at this year's concert:

• Not all regions have the same setup in terms of number of bands, etc., so here's a quick overview. Our region has five bands: A ninth grade band and four high school bands (which the freshmen can make as well, since the tryouts are on different days, but they have to surrender their seat in the freshman band if they do). Each band starts at a set time, which is listed in the program, so there's usually plenty of stretch time in between.


• Thanks to traffic, I missed most of the freshman band this year (which was unfortunate, because I had a student in there). But I did hear of a more effective way to get to the venue for next year (heading east out of DFW to make a Friday 6:00 concert is always a challenge).


• The conductor of the Wind Ensemble (the top band, and the last to play) and the Ninth Grade Band (the first to play) are husband and wife. I'm not sure that's ever happened in this region since I've been out here.


• I'll briefly mention something that I say every year: I prefer the newer "wind ensemble" music (highly influenced by film scoring, in my opinion) to the older, more homogenized "band" music...but that being said, anything by John Philip Sousa or Percy Grainger is still sheer perfection.


• And indeed, the newer music ruled the day this year, even from the older conductors (one of them noted that everything he programmed tonight was unknown to him five years ago!). Bravo to these folks for stretching a bit and staying current.


• One upside to the new music: So many featured saxophones! Extended alto solos, sax sections used as choirs. It's obviously cool for the students (and for those of us in the audience who play saxophone) to actually hear our instruments, instead of always doubling the French horns like back in the day.


• While the program featured many of the well-known modern composers (John Mackey, Jack Stamp, Eric Whitacre, Frank Ticheli, Brian Balmages), there were also some up-and-comers who had really enjoyable works performed tonight. I was especially impressed by these pieces: "Mekong" by Robert W. Smith; "Elixir" by Michael Markowski; "Oh! What a Morning" by Jess Langston Turner, and "Zing!" by Scott McAllister. Check 'em out; I'm sure they're on YouTube.


• One request to the organizers: Please put first names of composers in the program instead of just last names. The composers deserve that recognition, and it just looks more professional.


• I've mentioned in the past that this concert tends to run as efficiently as a Swiss train. While this didn't always happen this year, the time was made up by the end of the night, and the concert was still pretty much done by 10 PM. Squeezing five bands into four hours is still pretty impressive.


• I was happy to see that all the conductors were very much engaged with the audience, which hasn't always happened in the past. When the programs (prepared well in advance) list the pieces in random order with a "to be selected from" at the top (and the lights are lowered for the performances), it's crucial to introduce every piece, so the audience knows what they're hearing.


• Speaking of the audience, an amazing thing happened: A conductor announced in advance that the piece the band was about to play was in three movements, and nobody clapped between movements. Nobody! The conductor said afterwards that he and the band were a little thrown off by that (after all, there's always That One Guy who claps anyway).


• But I do have to admonish certain audience members for one thing: Door etiquette. If you're going to enter or leave in the middle of a piece (despite signs on every door asking you not to do so), at least wait long enough to keep the door from slamming. While one piece (the aforementioned "Mekong") had some great antiphonal percussion, lots of other pieces had it as well, thanks to the doors.


• But there was another positive audience note: For the first time, an announcement was made requesting that the concert not be recorded by audience members, as it would violate both copyright laws and TMEA regulations. And people obeyed this! It was nice to actually see the concert itself, not through the iPad of someone a few rows in front of me (watching the concert is superior to watching other people watch the concert).


• I often use this space to brag on my studio (i.e. how many students of mine are in the band), but I'm teaching considerably fewer people this year due to expanded responsibilities elsewhere. Still, I had students in three of the five bands, and it's always nice to be able to stand up when the directors/private teachers of anyone onstage are requested to do so.


• A parent asked me earlier today if I was just going to hear my students play and then leave. Not a chance! I'll stay for the top two bands no matter what; the elite college conductors who are selected to work with these bands always do a stellar job, and it's amazing to see what high school students can do in such a short time (the bands only rehearsed last night, this morning and this afternoon). This year's top groups didn't fail to impress me again.

I know what I'll be doing on a Friday night in January 2017, and I'll be sure to share my thoughts in this space once again.

Random People Say the Darnedest Things

Overheard at a convenience store this afternoon, while a group of people was discussing the ginormous Powerball jackpot for Saturday: "I don't know if I want to play the lottery. That seems like gambling to me." Umm, ya think?

Kids Say the Darnesest Things About Their Relatives

The kids are on vacation for a while, and I've already taught the few lessons that were scheduled for this week, so any darnedest things that they say will be unheard by me for the time being. Here's one I forgot to post a month ago, but even though it references Thanksgiving, it really pertains to holiday travel in general:

During the last lessons before Thanksgiving, I was asking people how much practice time they had over the break...

ME: So are you driving or flying?
KID: We're flying...and that means I don't get to practice at all! I'm glad we're taking the trip, but I hate that I can't practice.
ME: Well, it's not always easy to fly with a horn, so I guess I can see the point.
KID: But why can't I bring my instrument for Thanksgiving? I bet old people would love to hear me play.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

This one was having rhythm problems...

ME: Those were eighth notes there, and you played them as quarter notes.
KID: Maybe they got a promotion.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms

One of my high schoolers' solos has a section marked "meno mosso," meaning to slow down the tempo (the literal translation is "less motion"). I always quiz them on the meaning of terms like that--both to further educate them, and because their answers are often funny...

ME: So what does "meno mosso" mean?
KID: A little bit of moss?

Kids Say the Darnedst Things About Church

I mentioned something to a middle schooler about my usual 7:30 AM band call at church on Sundays, and his response was classic: "That's too early! The Lord's not even awake that early."

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About All-Region Band Tryouts

I was congratulating a student of mine who made a band, and he was reviewing his results over the years...

KID: I've never come in sixth before. I wonder what it's like to come in sixth and miss it by one...
OTHER KID (who actually did come in sixth and miss it by one, and was sitting on the floor out of view, but within earshot): It's pretty depressing.
KID: No! I thought you left! You weren't supposed to still be here! I'm so sorry!
ME: Well, that's awkward....

Churchgoers Say the Darnedest Things

Many of you know that I play saxophone in the worship band at my church. This morning, I was greeted in the hallway by an elderly lady who said,"Good morning, Mr. Hornblower." (I guess she felt that she didn't know me well enough to call me "Horatio.')

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Describing Large Objects

I was talking to a kid in the band hall recently, when another kid walked by carrying a huge bass clarinet case...

KID: That bass clarinet case is taller than most girls.
ME : It is pretty tall.
KID: It's taller than people!
ME: Girls are people too.
KID: I was just going for a broader spectrum.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Why It Took So Long to Get to Their Lesson

Today's reason: "I had to bring a robot to class."

(It turns out this was true; one of his classmates is too sick to come to school, so he has a robot "attending" class for him, and it was my student's job today to navigate the robot to its next class.)

Kids say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms (and Furniture)

A middle schooler was self-critiquing a run-through of the All-Region music, and noted that she missed a dynamic change...

KID: I need to do more diminuendo! Some people call it a decrescendo, but I prefer diminuendo.
ME: Eh--they're the same thing... like sofa and couch.
KID: No, it's only couch for me! Sofa reminds me of...a potato.
ME: What?
KID: Yes, a potato.

(I later realized that it should have been "couch" that reminded her of a potato. She acknowledged that phrase, but still said that it was "sofa" that triggered the association.)

Kids Say the Darnedst Things About Sightreading

With a student having missed several key signature notes in the first few measures of reading a piece for the first time, I felt the need to restate the importance of checking the key before doing anything else...

ME: What's the first rule of sightreading?
KID: You don't talk about sightreading?
ME: No, that would be Fight Club.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things During the Morning Announcements

The daily ritual at one school started out with this gem: "I pledge of allegiance to the Texas flag...oh, sorry."

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Accidentals

A student didn't carry a sharp through a measure in a recent lesson, and I started to review the procedure with him...

ME: What is the rule for accidentals--what do they do?
KID: They mess you up.

Oldtimers Say the Darnedest Things

Having lunch at a barbecue place today, I'm pretty sure I heard an older guy with a country accent order two "cold slaws." I laughed to myself when I heard that, but after some thought, I realized that "hot slaw" would probably be really nasty...

(College) Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Styles

I haven't had time to post any KSTDT's lately, so here's one if the better recent ones: Someone fairly new to Latin music had an interesting question: "So how do you tell the difference between the samba, the mamba, the mambo, and all that?"

(After explaining the difference between the samba and the mambo, we were able to establish that the mamba is, in fact, a snake.)

The Years Go By, and Still, We Never Forget

Fourteen years ago today:

I was on a break from teaching, like every Tuesday, and actually spent the time of the attacks in blissful ignorance at the Rockwall Starbucks. I had CD's on in my car instead of the radio, so I totally missed the news on both the way over and the way back. I did hear someone listening to a radio on the patio and they were talking about "the second plane," but it didn't register with me at all. (It amazed me later that nobody walked inside and told us about it.)

When I got back to the school, the flute teacher stopped me in the hallway and asked me if all my students were being pulled out of school (evidently hers were). I said, "No, why?" and she told me what had happened. I spent the rest of the day like everyone else, in shocked, depressed amazement, catching the news when I could. There I was, not even two weeks into being a homeowner, and the world suddenly felt so different. It added to the pall cast over everything when I found out that the sister of a girl I graduated from high school with was on Flight 93, the one that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. (Since it's common on this day to have roll calls of the people who were lost, I'll state her name here, with a link to her foundation: Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas.)

The whole thing felt so surreal; how could anyone hate us that much? The concept of the suicide hijacking was unprecedented as well (before that, hijackers just usually wanted to go to Cuba, and that's why airline personnel were taught to cooperate with them rather than try to subdue them).

I know there are still terrorist plots being hatched, and people capable of carrying them out...but I hope nothing like this ever happens on U.S. soil again. Or anywhere, for that matter.

As I repost this in 2015, we know that the evil in our world is far from being eradicated (indeed, the past few years have seen evil showing its face even more, so it would seem). But I say once more, may we never forget, and may something of this nature never happen here again.

The Marathon Band Concert That Doesn't Feel LIke One

I don't do too many long-form posts on this blog these days, but this still feels like the best medium during the Friday night every January when the All-Region bands in my region give their concert. The region where I teach is known for having strong band programs, and the result is a fine evening of music, even though the kids have had less than 24 hours (last night and most of the school day today) to rehearse the music.
And while I've blogged about Region for almost the entire twelve years in which this blog has been in existence, the post has been very similar each year, with only minor edits. But last year was a departure in several areas, and this year even more so. (As always, this post doesn't pretend to be a review of the concert, just whatever random thoughts popped into my head as I was listening.)

• For those unfamiliar with Region, this event really isn't one concert--it's five mini-concerts. Each band has a 45-minute slot, and the start time for each band is listed in the program; even if a band runs short, the next band won't start till its posted time.

  There is a substantial amount of turnover between bands, but that may well have made room for everyone to attend, though there were seats to spare during each band. (I've never done the math to figure out whether anyone's auditorium could hold a cumulative audience, but I have my doubts, especially if kids stuck around to watch their friends in later bands.)



• One of the things I've always observed is that the concert runs like clockwork. And for the first time in recent memory--perhaps since the set-time thing began--it wasn't exactly a Swiss train tonight. It appeared that one band didn't come out quite on time, and it made the rest of the concert run about five minutes behind. Not that it really mattered, of course, but it was just different.


• I make a point every year to state that I prefer the new "wind ensemble" music (whose composers show a strong influence of contemporary film score writing) to the older "band" music (with its smaller sonic palette), but the two things that most resonated with me tonight were older pieces that I had played in high school and/or college. The best conductors and performers can bring new energy to old music, especially that which is an outstanding example of its genre in the first place.


• Of the new pieces played tonight, the one that most caught my attention was "Ruckus." by a composer listed only as Standridge (let this be my annual appeal to include the usual composer info--at least first names, if not birthdates--in the programs), but a quick Googling suggests that it's this guy. Lots of fun, and there's even a jazz-sounding sax part in there.


• This yeasr, they returned to the theme of having the top two bands conducted by college directors, and this year's duo (in order of appearance), Robert Carnoghan and Jerry Junkin from UT-Austin, were outstanding. (I also pointed out to one of my students that there was a pronounced difference in the conducting styles of the college directors, who work in a more orchestral style, with less reliance on a steady beat pattern. My quote was, "Some conductors direct beats, but these guys direct style." They're really fun to watch...


• I always stay for the entire concert, whether or not I have students in the top band. But I would have done so anyway this year, just because of the Wind Ensemble's program. It was all of one piece, but..that piece was Carmina Burana. The entire band transcription. Played by high school students, after a mere day and a half of rehearsal. I was more than blown away. Congrats to Maestro Junkin and the students on an amazing job.


• I was very happy that the practice of having both parents/siblings and directors/private teachers of the students onstage stand before each group performed. Most of what we private teachers do is very much behind the scenes, but it's cool to be recognized once a year.


• Let's hear it for well-rounded musicians! Looking through the program, I counted five members of the Region Jazz band I directed back in November, and three of them were on other instruments than they played in that band--my pianist was on percussion tonight, one of my trumpets was on French horn, and one of my trombones was on euphonium. Nice work, folks!


• And because of that experience conducting the Region Jazz band, tonight gave me an unprecedented feeling of collegiality with the directors on stage. All in all, eleven individuals were chosen to lead honor bands in Region 3 (tonight's five high school clinicians, the four from last week's middle school concert, and the two of us who led the jazz bands in November). It's a privilege to be among that number, especially in the region where I've grown up as a teacher, and also to be able to see the work of all ten of my counterparts this school year--I bet that geography alone prevented anyone else from enjoying that experience.

This concert definitely should be a marathon, but this year, it really didn't feel like it. Maybe it's because I've been to so many, but maybe it's because the music is so good, and being made by at least a few people who are really important to me.

Did you really make it through this whole post? Congrats; you're a marathon winner in much the same way as those of us who stayed for the entire concert!

I'm sure I'll be writing a similar post next year. Stay tuned!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They're Struggling With a Piece of Music

A beginner was playing in the key of Bb for the first time and wasn't too happy with the results. I also sensed a lack of preparation, likely because the key wasn't too fun yet...

ME: If you don't practice a piece you don't like, it's like trying to vanquish your enemy with a dull sword. You'll just nick it, and make it mad. You want to go after it with as strong of a blade as possible.
KID: Like Escobar!
ME: Who?
KID: Escobar. It's a sword in the legend of Arthur.
ME: That would be Excalibur.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Counting

During the all-important lesson on quarter note triplets (something I emphasize with my students, since I wasn't taught the concept properly until my junior year of college in percussion methods class), the following happened...

ME: So what do you get when you tie two eighth notes together?
KID: A whole note?

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Unusual Accidentals

While shopping for a solo, a student ran across a less-familiar one...

KID: What is E-sharp again?
KID: E-flat.
ME: Nope. Think for a second; that can't be true.
KID: F-flat?

Kids Continue to Say the Darndest Things About Classical Composers

Once again, during shopping-for-solos, the "list of 3" idea came up...

ME: This one is by Bach, who was of course a major composer. If I asked you to name me three classical composers, he'd likely be on the list, right?
KID: Yup.
ME: So who would the other two be?
KID: Let's see. Adam Levine...
ME: Wait, what?
KID: The lead singer for Maroon 5.
ME: Right. Ha, clever...
KID: But seriously, Beethoven and Mozart.
ME: There you go.

Kids say the Darnedest Thigns About Minor Keys

While shopping for solos, a middle schooler said he liked the major-key fast movement of a certain solo, but not the minor-key slow movement, which he described as a "creepy ghost song."

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Pracitce Habits

Today, a student was very honest with me regarding the preparation of a portion of the All-Region music...

KID: Before we start this one, I have to tell you...I really haven't practiced the second half of this étude.
ME: Well, I appreciate your honesty--but you really shouldn't have told me that yet. Suppose it goes really well this time?
KID: Then God actually loves me.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Forget Their Music

A beginner showed up to a lesson without his method book, and I wanted to know why...

KID: I forgot my music again.
ME: Did you just leave it at home by accident?
KID: I forgot where my mom put it.
ME: So why did she have to put it anywhere? Do you leave it on the floor or something?
KID: Yeah, kinda.

Kids Contniue to Say the Darnedest Things About Classical Composers

As often occurs during shopping-for-solos, Bach came up, and one of the things I mentioned was that Bach had 20 kids...

KID: So they'd be the Box. B-O-X!
ME: Except it wouldn't be spelled that way. We have a student group at the college called "Music Bachs"--B-A-C-H-S.
KID: But he wouldn't get that joke, since he was deaf.
ME: Bach wasn't deaf; that was Beethoven.
KID: I always get them mixed up. I know that one of them was deaf, and one of them had weird hair.
ME: They both had weird hair...

Parents Say the Darnedest Things

On the way back from dinner, Dad fires up the satellite radio, where Pharoah Sanders is playing a wonderfully squawky solo over a soulful beat...

ME: Ahh, Pharoah...
DAD (reading screen): Are you familiar with Pharoah Sanders?
ME: Very much so. I've even seen him live.
MOM: So is he dead now?
ME: That's not exactly what I meant.

Kids say the Darnedest Things About the Calendar

The subject of septuplets came up recently, so I threw in the historical tidbit that September was originally the seventh month of the year (and October the eighth month, and so on) until the Romans changed it...

ME: And they named the two new months after their most famous Caesars.
KID: January and February?

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Classical Composers

As we begin the "shopping for solos" season, it's inevitable that a piece by Bach will come up. I mentioned Bach's prominence as a composer, which led to the inevitable question...

ME: So...if I asked you to name me three classical composers, who would they be?
KID: Bach, Beethoven and...what's his name?--J. Elliott?
ME: Who?
KID: I think his name is J.S. Elliott.
ME: If you mean T.S. Eliot, he was a poet.
KID: Oops.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About High-End Horns

When a middle schooler's horn kept having to go into the shop recently, his parents were pondering letting him use his older sibling's horn for auditions (the sibling is in college and not playing at the moment)...

ME: That would be cool if you could use (sibling)'s horn. It's really nice...
KID: The Selmer? I don't even know how to use that!
ME: it's still a saxophone...

A Quick Holiday Quiz

How can you tell that Christmas is coming?

1) Colder temperatures.
2) Carols playing over the piped-in music at the mall.
3) Starbucks starts using the red cups.
4) You hear oboes playing "Deck the Halls" in the adjacent practice room.
5) All of the above, but you'd prefer to avoid #2 and #4 as much as possible.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things Upon Their Return to Lessons

I taught a student this week who came back for a few lessons after a six-month hiatus, and I let him know that there was space for him to return on a permanent basis if he wanted to do so...

ME: So I can definitely make a space for you if you want; I had one at the beginning of the year, but you didn't take it.
KID: I was gonna come back, but I thought I knew everything...and then I went to All-District, and I heard all these people doing all these dynamics and things, and I was like, "Crap! How do you even do all those things in one measure? It was like a sucker punch!"

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

During a recent lesson, I caught a kid doing a missed articulation...

ME: The C# on the third beat isn't tongued.
KID: I knew that. I was testing you.
ME: Well, I passed....

Random Kids Say the Darnedest Things

I just heard this gem from a kid (probably middle school-aged) in front of me in line at Starbucks: "I had a dream that a dinosaur swallowed me whole, and I had a lightsaber and I cut my way out."

Happy International Saxophone Day

Happy 200th birthday to Adolphe Sax! If not for his invention, I might be a...trumpet player. *shudder*

This is still my favorite comic about Saxophone Day (possibly because it could be the only one, but still...)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Symbols

To set it up, here's a rerun from two years ago this week:

A beginner had his first "line" from the book that actually lasted more than a single line; as often happens, he stopped at the end of the first line.
ME: So how do you know you're not done when you get to the end of the first line? What's missing?
KID (points to double bar): Black thing!
ME: What's the black thing called?
KID: Black thing!

That one cracked me up so much (mostly because the kid said it with so much determination) that I've mentioned it to subsequent beginners upon their arrival at that line, and it's become a running joke between me and some of this year's crew.

So one of them was fooled by the two-line line recently, and I asked him the same thing...

ME: So how do you know you're not done yet?
KID (points to double bar): It doesn't have that thing right there.
ME: What's that thing called?
KID : The stopper?

Kids and Teachers Say the Darnedest Things As Tryouts Approach

This weekend is All-District for my seventh- and eighth-graders, so it's dry run time...

ME: We need to run through all your scales and the two etudes, and then we'll have a mock audition.
KID: What does that mean?
ME: Thar means that you audition, and then I mock you.
KID: (gives me a sad look until he realizes I'm not serious)

Later on, the same kid missed an easy key signature note and realized it fairly quickly...

ME: Don't stop and hang your head in shame; we have a lot to do today.
KID: Is this the mocking part?
ME: Only if you miss easy key signatures like that.

Broadcasting a Happy Birthday to My Old Employer

Happy 45th birthday to my former employer, KNTU, which signed on for the first time on Halloween, 1969. And for a number of years, its studios were located in what was considered by some to be a haunted house. I wrote a ghost story many years ago on the subject for this blog, so check it out if you haven't yet done so.

Kids Have the Darnedest Things Happen to Their Horns

This was a first for me: As a kid picked up his alto to prepare to play an étude, his thumb rest just broke clean in half! It split in two on either side of the large screw, with both sides falling on the floor.

But the kid was still able to play, resting his thumb up against the bottom of the chromatic F# key guard. (I told him that if he felt it rubbing up against the metal too much, he could tape his thumb up like a conga player might do.)

(College) Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Instrument Selection

During a recent combo rehearsal, I was asked how I came to choose the saxophone...

ME: I really can't remember; it looked like a lot of fun; a bunch of my friends were playing it...so, it wasn't exactly "all the cool kids age doing it," but that was a factor.
KID: I've seen those selection sessions at school before, and it's crazy. These people who are going to be musicians...it's like picking your Pokemon at the beginning of the game, and it's yours for the rest of your life.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Big Horns

Surprisingly, the top-band bari players at all three of my middle schools are seventh graders this year, and needless to say, there's been some adjustment to the big horn for all of them, and some new accessories for it...

ME: That's a cool harness you have there. And I bet you like it a lot more than you would a neck strap.
KID: A neck strap would break my spine!

Principals Say the Darnedest Things About Technology

An assistant principal at one of my schools came up with this beautifully misspoken sentence during a recent announcement: "If you are listening to music on your devices, you must be using headbuds."

(Reminds me of the time in my youth when my dad--the official starter for the neighborhood swim meets--called out an event as the "13-14 year-old girls' breaststyle.")

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instruments

The bari player mentioned in yesterday's KSTDT had an interesting thing to say about his horn during his own lesson time...
KID: This is my bari. Actually, he's more like my friend that I completely control.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Transposing Instruments

A kid was looking at my roster as he signed it, and noticed the name of one of his bandmates, who had recently switched to bari...
KID: So you still teach (other kid's name)? Do you bring your bari or something?
ME: I don't have to bring my bari to teach a bari player. We play the same exact notes an octave apart. The bari is an Eb instrument, just like you and I both play the Eb alto.
KID: Oh yeah...
ME: So do you remember why we play Eb alto saxophones? (I was hoping he'd remember that our C matches the Eb on the piano)
KID: Because we're cool?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Commerce

A student recently showed up with a new horn, and we were both very pleased with it...

KID: This horn was supposed to cost $4000, but it's used, so it was only $2000.
ME (thinking $4K was a bit steep for that model, and doing a quick online search): That's interesting; I see one here on Amazon for only $1300.
KID: But you have to remember tax.

(I assured the kid that the sales tax on $1300 wasn't $700, and found out that, here in Texas; you'd have to spend almost $8500 to generate that much tax.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instructor's Analogies

This year's All-State music has a passage where there are four sixteenth notes with the articulation "tongue one, slur three" for multiple bars. I tell my students to think "Tatiana, Tatiana" to play the articulation correctly..

ME: I think that's the easiest way to imagine that articulation. Just think of some Russian gymnast or figure skater; Tatiana is a nice Russian name that's easy to remember.
(Kid plays passage with correct articulation, but his fingers fumble and he adds a few extra notes to one beat.)

ME: Nice grace notes there.
KID: Tatiana fell down.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Foreign Languages

Most musical terms are in Italian, which is very close to Spanish, so studying the latter helps a lot with the former on many occasions...

ME: So are you taking Spanish? You might recognize this term if so.
KID: I just don't have an interest in taking Spanish. I'd rather take a more interesting language, like German or Irish.

Never Forget

Fourteen years ago today:

I was on a break from teaching, like every Tuesday, and actually spent the time of the attacks in blissful ignorance at the Rockwall Starbucks. I had CD's on in my car instead of the radio, so I totally missed the news on both the way over and the way back. I did hear someone listening to a radio on the patio and they were talking about "the second plane," but it didn't register with me at all. (It amazed me later that nobody walked inside and told us about it.)

When I got back to the school, the flute teacher stopped me in the hallway and asked me if all my students were being pulled out of school (evidently hers were). I said, "No, why?" and she told me what had happened. I spent the rest of the day like everyone else, in shocked, depressed amazement, catching the news when I could. There I was, not even two weeks into being a homeowner, and the world suddenly felt so different. It added to the pall cast over everything when I found out that the sister of a girl I graduated from high school with was on Flight 93, the one that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. (Since it's common on this day to have roll calls of the people who were lost, I'll state her name here, with a link to her foundation: Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas.)

The whole thing felt so surreal; how could anyone hate us that much? The concept of the suicide hijacking was unprecedented as well (before that, hijackers just usually wanted to go to Cuba, and that's why airline personnel were taught to cooperate with them rather than try to subdue them).

I know there are still terrorist plots being hatched, and people capable of carrying them out...but I hope nothing like this ever happens on U.S. soil again. Or anywhere, for that matter.

As I repost this in 2014, we know that the evil in our world is far from being eradicated. But I say once more, may we never forget, and may something of this nature never happen here again.
 

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Unfamiliar Key Signatures

This student was playing the Eb Major scale for the first time in a while...

KID: I've never played in this many sharps before. What's the new flat?
ME: There are no sharps in the Eb scale; the new flat is Ab.
KID: *facepalm*

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When the Teacher Uses His Typical Analogies

This is a two-fer--same kid, same lesson, same concept.

ME: So I'm going to explain this in terms of food...and you know, it seems like the vast majority of my analogies involve either speaking, or driving, or food.
KID: Ha, that's true. But really, except for sleep, those are the most important things in life--talking, driving, and food.
ME: True enough--and the sleeping part is covered in music by the use of rests.

******************

ME: So here's my philosophy on vibrato; A lot of people approach it as if it's an addition to the sound, when to me, it's really a part of the sound. So if you think of your sound as a pie...instead of treating vibrato like it's the Cool Whip on top of the pie, it's really baked into the pie. Does that make sense?
KID: Yeah, it does...and now I want pie.
ME: Yeah, I want pie, too.

You Know You Post A Lot About the Rangers on Social Media...

...when auto-correct pumps out a sentence like "I look forward to hearing from Yu" in an email completely unrelated to baseball.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Timekeeping

The All-State Jazz ballad for saxophone this year is at quarter note = 60, so it's really easy to get the tempo, providing you own a device that most kids nowadays don't have...
ME: So remember, you can get the tempo for this off your watch (looks over at kid)..,oh, wait--you don't have one.
KID: I've been planning on getting a watch, but I just haven't had time.
ME: I see what you did there.

Private Teachers Say the Darnedest Things About Insruments Other Than Their Own

Arriving at a school where I had already reserved my practice room for the year, I found another teacher in there. I alerted her to the fact that I was here, but the room next door was open...

OTHER TEACHER: I tried to teach next door, but the room was full of suitcases.
ME (after looking in that room): Suitcases? Those are bari saxes! (smiling) How dare you disrespect my instrument like that!

(Suitcases??!!)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They're Just Starting Band

During this first week of school, there are a lot of kids who are still solidifying their schedules, and one of them walked into the band office at a middle school this morning...

KID: I've decided to be in band after all.
DIRECTOR: You did? Good deal. What do you want to play?
KID: I forgot what it was called.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Quoting Their Band Directors

One of my new students told me about a meeting held at his school for incoming beginners. Evidently, his director described the first concert in December this way: "The parents will all be saying, 'Aww, they're squeaking...but it's so cute!'"

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Baseball Games Run Long

As you may have seen from the picture I posted last night, the Rangers game that I attended went fourteen innings. The Rangers threatened several times in some of the earlier extra innings, but they always missed by just a little. As the game went longer and longer, those of us who stayed till the end were lamenting the lateness of the hour.

Among those who stayed were a group of energetic high-schoolers a few rows in front of us; I overheard a few of them say that they were band kids who had an early rehearsal the next morning. Someone in the group suggested that they should go, because they might grow old before this game would finish.

But in response to that, another kid came up with the quote of the night: "No--baseball games are like Neverland! You never grow old when watching baseball!"

The 14th Inning Stretch?

This was actually a thing at tonight's Rangers game...but it must have been what the doctor ordered, because it ended in victory: Rangers 3, Rays 2.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Minor Keys

The new middle school All-District music is out, and one of the etudes is in a minor key. While I didn't go into the same detail about minor keys that I did with the high-schoolers last week, I did play this eighth-grader the minor triad and the major triad on the piano for sake of comparison...

ME: So without getting too complicated, you can hear how the minor key sounds sadder, right?
KID: Yeah--it sounds like the soundtrack for "the Christmas that never came."

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About New Scales

During one of the high school sectionals I was running this week, I was pointing out that the third All-State étude is in a minor key. While most people learn at least a little about minor keys and scales before high school, I was curious as to how much they actually knew...

ME: How is this different from a major key?
KID: It's minor.

(Again...thank you, Captain Obvious. And this was a different kid than the one who said something similarly obvious the other day. At least this kid somewhat redeemed himself right afterwards by saying "it sounds sad.")

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Schools

I'm conducting sax sectionals for one of my high schools this week, and the room I'm using is on the second floor on the other end of the building, farthest from the band hall. The route that several students and I chose to go back was probably brand-new to me...

ME: This is interesting; I don't think I've ever been in this part of the school before.
KID: This is the upstairs.
ME (laughing, along with the other kids): Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Technical Exercises

As I've mentioned before, I use a set of technique exercises that I've dubbed the "vegetables," because--in the same way that a stalk of broccoli is less fun to eat (for most people) than a piece of chocolate cake, but the broccoli is much better for you--these exercises are probably not the most interesting pieces of music that you'll ever play, but they're also really good for you...

KID: I just don't like vegetables very much. I need something with some fat on it.
ME: So which fat would you put on these vegetables to make them tastier?
KID: Chicken!

Kids Wear the Darnedest Things

Funny T-shirt on a kid at lunch: "Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have 2 left."

Parents Say the Darnedest Things

(I don't have proof of parentage, of course, so the speaker could have been an aunt, a much older sister or even a babysitter...but go with me on this.) Walking through the local outdoor mall with a friend a few hours ago, we overheard a young woman trying to encourage a toddler to walk both faster and in a straight line by saying, "C'mon, tiny human!"

Kids Say the Darnedest--and Most Profound--Things at Jazz Camp

I'm directing a band at the Texas All-Star Jazz Camp this week. After my band played a passage not so well and then played it much better the next time, one of my tenor players came up with this gem: "It's amazing when we count."

(I liked that one so much that I wrote it on the board.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Riding Public Transit

While on the Atlanta airport train earlier this morning, I was amused by a conversation being held by the family next to me...

KID (maybe 5 years old): The train is farting? Mom, why is she saying "The train is farting?"
MOM: She's not saying "The train is farting," sweetheart; she's saying "The train is departing."

People at the Next Table Say the Darnedest Things?

I may have misheard this, since I wasn't intentionally eavesdropping, but I could swear I heard a guy at the next table at dinner tonight describe a college course by saying "that was one of the funner maths I took."
Two things immediately came to mind:
1) At least he didn't say it was "one of the funner maths I've tooken."
2) Perhaps his time in school would have been better spent taking one of the less funner Englishes.

(Yes, I have some catching up to do on this blog. I'll try to post some of the better KSTDT entries from the past few months shortly.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes (and the Well-Worn Analogies Used to Prevent Them)

Going through the major scales with a middle schooler, some confusion ensued...

ME: What note does the F scale start on?
KID: E. (thinks for a second) No, wait...
ME: Thats supposed to be an easy question, like "Who's buried in Grant's tomb?"
KID: Phil.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their (Lack of) Practice Habits

When working with a middle schooler who had been away for a few days, it was obvious that one part of the assignment hadn't improved at all...

ME: Did you look at this part of your assignment?
KID: I accidentally sleeped.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About High Notes

Working with a second-year player on the high register, I was refreshing him on the fingering for high F...

ME (demonstrates fingering): So remember, it's these three on the left side, and this one on the right.
KID: And the octave key?
ME: Oh yeah--you always use the octave key for notes this high, or you'll end up making a seal sound.
KID (ponders that for a moment): But *can* I make a seal sound?
ME (ponders as well): Sure man, knock yourself out.

Spammers Say the Darnedest Things

I got this message in an email today; at least it relates to my occupation, even if it misspells the last name of me and my theoretical wife: "Mrs.McHerney I fought the website to practice my instrument can you send it to me Please and thank you"

(I'm glad to know the spammer "fought the website," because it's always good when the site has spam protection in place. And was this person really expecting "Mrs. M" to send them an instrument, now that they've found a "practice website"? Lol)

Ladies in Church Say the Darnedest Things

During the break before the first service, a couple of elderly ladies approached me in the hallway...

LADY: I've never told you how much I love your horn...your saxophone. It adds so much to the service.
ME: Thank you so much.
LADY: It reminds me of, oh...that famous saxophonist.
(ME, to self: Please don't say Kenny G.)
LADY: I can't remember his name, but I have one of his recordings.
(ME, still to self: I really hope you don't mean Kenny G.)
LADY: You know who I'm talking about.
ME (smiling); There are lots of famous saxophonists.
LADY: You'd recognize him if I told you. But anyway, you sound just like him.
ME: Thank you. (To self: Maybe she's a Stan Getz fan...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Fast Notes

A beginner was looking at the last page of his method book--which is all 16th notes--and commenting on how fast the notes were...

KID: Is there anything faster than a 16th note?
ME: Sure--there are 32nd notes, with three beams, and even 64th notes, with four beams.
KID: Whoa...
ME: Here--let me play you something with 32nd notes in it, which was actually played by 7th and 8th graders a few years ago.
KID (after hearing passage): That was so fast, I thought it was a flute!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Scales

I was calling out the various keys to a middle-schooler when levity broke out...

ME: And one more scale: B-flat.
KID: (moves as if he's going to lie down on the floor)
ME: You're trying to "be flat"?
KID (grinning): That's right.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Playing

When playing the C# scale for me for the first time, a seventh grader ran into some problems. Eventually, he stopped playing and said the following: "I know how to play it...it's just that when I play it, it doesn't want to play right, because of... (makes circling motion near head with hand) my face."

Nephews Say the Darnedest Things, Part 2

During my recent trip to Austin, I was watching a Rangers game on TV with my youngest nephew, who has recently started playing Little League himself. When Rangers manager Ron Washington went out to change pitchers, the name on the back of his jersey was quite visible...

NEPHEW: His last name is Washington?
ME: That's right.
NEPHEW: He must be George Washington's son.

(I reminded him that George lived in the 1700s and Ron was in his early 60s, so they probably couldn't be father and son.)

Nephews Say the Darnedest Things

My oldest one posed an interesting question at dessert time last night...

NEPHEW: Which would you rather have--ice cream with wasabi sauce, or chili with orange juice?
SISTER: How much orange juice?
NEPHEW: Lots!

Feel free to comment with your own answer...

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instructors

One of my beginners placed in the top band at school for next year, so of course, I offered congratulations...

KID: How did you know I got in Honors Band?
ME: They gave me a piece of paper saying so.
(brief pause) I was going to say "Because I'm smart like that," but I didn't know if you'd believe me.
KID: I don't think I would.
ME: Wow. No money *and* insults. I see how this is...

(Regarding the "no money" part: This was a kid who also forgot to pay me for the third week in a row. This weeks's excuse: "My parents are distracted.")

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About New Key Signatues

As noted earlier, this is the time of year when the seventh graders are learning the remaining five scales that they didn't have to prepare for All-District auditions. One of them did particularly well on the F# major scale, so it was time to move ahead...

ME: That was very good! So as your "reward," I'll give you something even more challenging to work on--the C# scale.
KID: Yaaaaay!
(after slight pause) Oh wait, that's not really exciting, is it?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instruments

When deciding on a specific étude to pass out to a bari player, I had to check and see whether or not the horn had a specific key that's not yet standard on all baris...

ME: Let's see--your horn has a high F# key, right?
KID: Yup.
ME: Do you know how it works to make a high F#?
KID: You just push it down?

(I suppose he was technically correct here, but I was of course looking for a specific fingering combination...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Contemplating Switching Saxophones

I hadn't heard it in a few years, but I was discussing this very thing with some friends just a few days ago, and now it's happened again...

KID: I really want to play the tenor next year.
ME: That could be fun.
KID: But would you still be my teacher if I did that?
ME: Absolutely. There's not a separate tenor sax teacher or anything...

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Unfamiliar Key Signatures

While teaching the circle of fifths to a high-schooler, we eventually encountered the most dreaded key for saxophonists: C-flat major.

ME: That's right, C-flat, with all seven flats
KiD: I don't even know what that sounds like...

(I reminded him that yes, he does--it sounds exactly like the B scale. To drive the point home in a most sarcastic way, I played him the same scale twice in a row, calling by a different name each time.)

Jazz Education Quote of the Week

From the Thelonious Monk Institute:

"A great teacher is one who realizes that he himself is also a student and whose goal is not dictate the answers, but to stimulate his students creativity enough so that they go out and find the answers themselves." - Institute Chairman Herbie Hancock

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Unfamiliar Notes

I was teaching a beginner the Bb scale, and the newest flat in that key was new to the kid...

ME: How do you finger Eb?
KID: (blank look)
ME: (demonstrates) What is this fingering?
KID: That's D#.
ME: And D# is the same as...?
KID: D#.
ME: Which is also known as...?
KID: D#.
ME: Which is also known as...?
KID: Pass.

Kids Write the Darnedest Things On Their Music

One of my high-schoolers had something very unusual in the margin of his music: "WWMMS." I asked what that meant, and was amused at the answer--"What Would Mr. M. Say?" Evidently, writing that down reminded the kid of some things that I told him about that portion of the music.

(WWMMS bracelets available soon. Order yours today!)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Star Wars References

This is pretty much a sequel to last Friday's KSTDT: A different kid, but the same school, same forgotten audition étude, and same response from me...

KID: So yeah, about my music...it's kind of at home.
ME: So you couldn't try to levitate it here by using the Force?
KID: I tried; it didn't respond.
ME: The Force was out of order?
KID: I guess so.

Kids (and Teachers) Say the Darnedest Things When Kids Offer Semi-Lame Excuses for Missing Their Teachers' Gigs

I obviously invited all of my students (except the seniors at one school, who had prom that night) to hear the big band I record with when we made a rare live local appearance on Saturday, but only a few came. This morning, one of them told me why he couldn't make it...

KID: Sorry I missed your concert the other day. I was gonna go, but then my friend came over and he didn't want to go.
ME: Well, you obviously need to get better friends.
KID: He's a vocalist; what can I say?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Star Wars References

This one started with a kid walking into a lesson with no music whatsoever (and me initially freaking him out by challenging him to play his audition étude from memory...)

ME: So did you lose your music, or leave it at home?
KID: I left it at my house.
ME: So you can't levitate it here from your house by using the Force or something?
KID: I wouldn't be here if I could use the Force.
ME: You wouldn't need education, just Jedi training?
KID: That's right.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Accidentals

I was introducing the E# to a seventh grader for the first time (as part of the F# major scale), and he was confused at first as to what it might be...

ME: Let's look at it this way: What does a sharp do when you add it to a note? And I want a more detailed answer than "it makes it sharper."
KID: It raises it half an octave!

(Could you imagine what music would sound like if a sharp really did shoot the note up a tritone?)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Styles

One school's audition étude is marked Maestoso, and of course, I'm teaching the definition of that word quite frequently....

ME: The word "maestoso" means majestically. How would you play something majestically?
KID: Good?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Style Markings

Many of my middle-schoolers are auditioning on a piece of music with a section marked "stately march tempo." But that doesn't mean they all know the definition...

ME: So what does "stately" mean in terms of a march?
KID: It's known all over the state?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Musical Exercises

A little backstory first: Anyone who's been in my studio in middle school will remember a set of technical exercises I've dubbed the "vegetables" (because they may not be the most fun things in the world to play, but they're really good for you). Working on overtones with a more advanced student, I fashioned an exercise for him that strongly resembled the "vegetables" in format (play twice or more, end on a long note)...

ME: We're just genetically engineering our vegetables here...
KID: Cool! Then they can glow in the dark!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Alarm Clocks

A student was talking about having trouble waking up that morning; despite having a loud alarm clock, it evidently paled in comparison to his previous one: "My old alarm was evil. It broke your soul in half. It just made you want to lie back down and cry."

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Music

A student was sightreading a piece with me that had a slow intro, played in 8/8 time. Though it was s challenge for him to read in that time feel, I noted that at least the piece was fairly short--less than one page in all. The kid replied, "It's so short because it's so long."

Principals Say the Darnedest Things

On the announcements at one of my high schools, a principal was discussing prom, specifically the special prom shirts that the senior class has made every year: "Prom shirts must be approved by my office in advance, or you might be in jeopardy of attending prom."

Wait...so the objective is to not attend prom?

Sometimes, Teachers Also Say/Do the Darnedest Things

When trying to open the metronome app on my phone (second from left, top row, second screen), I accidentally opened my calendar app (second from left, top row, first screen). I then told the student that, while the calendar app did indeed keep time in a way, it wasn't useful for our current purposes.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms

This time, it's the word dolce (pronounced DOLE-chay), the Italian musical term for "sweetly"--familiar to many as the name of the cinnamon latte at Starbucks...

ME: What is that word?
KID: "Dohlse"
ME: Not quite.
KID: DOOL-say!
ME: It is like the Spanish dulce. Are you familiar with that word?
KID: Yes!
ME: Whst does it mean?
KID: I don't know.
ME: I thought you did.
KID: I lied!
ME: Any more guesses?
KID: Two?
ME: No, although "doce" is twelve in Spanish.
KID: Blue?