School Daze

While you're waiting for me to catch up on two days' worth of unfinished posts, here's some amusing tidbits from an email I received yesterday:

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

I'll finish those other posts later today or tomorrow.

It's a dog's life, part 1: A Labrador retriever is expected to recover fully after swallowing 1/4 of a bottle of glue.

It's a dog's life, part 2: Meet Butch, a dog so mean that 24 residents of his neighborhood aren't getting home mail delivery at the moment.

It's a dog's life, part 3: As if pets aren't pampered enough already, someone has now come up with beer for dogs. (It's probably best not to consume it in tandem with doggie ice cream, I'd think.)