Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Genres

Several of my students are taking driver's ed at the moment, and the subject of the dreaded driving test with the state trooper came up; I mentioned that when I was a kid, it was rumored that the trooper was known to occasionally change your radio to a country station during the test, and of course there was nothing you could do about it...

KID: I hate country!
ME: Amen, brother.
KID: But I guess country-rock is OK; it's really just rock, with the people dressed up like cowboys.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Stores and Food

A kid I was teaching this morning has a Swatch watch similar to mine, though I pointed out that mine had the bonus of actually being purchased in Switzerland. This kid is smart enough to know the difference between Switzerland and Sweden, but he didn't have too many kind words for the most famous store from the latter place...

KID: Don't even get me started on IKEA. My mom says that IKEA is the second-worst store on the planet...behind only Walmart.

ME: I agree with you on the Walmart part...but what's wrong with IKEA?

KID: It's got two levels, and it's jam-packed, and there's only one way to go, and the people move like snails. And all the food is Swedish!

ME: What's wrong with that? It is a Swedish store, after all,

KID: It's just weird. Why couldn't they have a hamburger or something?

It's Region Band Marathon Time Again

No matter how seldom I may blog these days, I always find things to say on the night that I've attended the All-Region Bands concert every January. The region where I teach is known for having strong band programs, and the result is a fine evening of music, even though the kids have had less than 24 hours (last night and most of the school day today) to rehearse the music. And while I've blogged about Region for almost the entire eleven years in which this blog has been in existence, the post has been very similar each year, with only minor edits, but like last year, I seem to have come up with several new ideas. As always, this doesn't pretend to be a review of the concert, just whatever random thoughts popped into my head as I was listening.

• Let's get my own numbers out of the way first: There were twelve in all from my studio--four freshmen, a sophomore, four juniors and three seniors (plus one more senior who plays another instrument but studies jazz saxophone with me). The fact that four out of the ten saxes in the freshman band are my students certainly bodes well for the future, I think. I was also pleased to have my studio represented in all five of the bands tonight; it had been a year or two since that had happened.
• This concert is set up to run like clockwork--there is a 45-minute slot allotted to each band, and while a few bands started later than their posted times for the first time in a while, the whole concert still finished before its anticipated 9:45 ending. While the nearly precise schedule meant that, for "marathoners" like myself who stayed for the whole thing, there were some fairly substantial lags between bands, it worked out perfectly for the families of the students in the later bands, who may have just been there to hear their own kid's band. But the fact that five bands--one freshman band and four high school bands--can complete a concert in less than four hours, year after year, is indeed impressive.
• Thinking about the above, it occurred to me a year ago that this event really isn't one concert--it's five mini-concerts. There was a more substantial amount of turnover between bands than I recall seeing before, but that may well have made room for everyone, though there were seats to spare during each band. (I've never done the math to figure out whether anyone's auditorium could hold a cumulative audience, but I have my doubts, especially if kids stuck around to watch their friends in later bands.)
• I still like the new "wind ensemble" music better than the older "band" music (and I have yet to make my post about how film scoring saved classical music), and this was very much reinforced for me tonight. While most of the groups leaned toward modern music, one band played nearly all older compositions, and to these ears, there's a definite difference between the two. I guess the best way I can describe it is that the older stuff was written so that things would blend together into a more homogenous sound ("like a big organ" is a common description I've heard),whereas the modern stuff (whether influenced by film scoring or not, it's the best way I can describe the sound) takes advantage of a much larger timbral palette, with different sections playing off each other and combined in unusual ways, along with a greatly expanded percussion section, with an emphasis on mallets, piano, and so on. To me, the sound just pops compared to the older works.
• Speaking of modern, this was a new one for me: One of the bands played a piece written for winds and laptop! I've always been a fan of electronic sounds, and the ones used in this piece were tastefully done. The piece is called "Mothership" by Mason Bates; that's a name I'll be looking out for in the future.

  And who knew that you could make the All-Region band on laptop? How cool would it be to serve on that judging panel? But just imagine practicing the music for four months and then having your battery die during auditions. You'd have to carry extra batteries in your pocket the way we saxophonists carry spare reeds. (But seriously, the laptop appeared to be played by a director, or a very old-looking senior.)

• While the audience was rather good about not clapping between movements, there were still some concert etiquette problems, mostly related to people walking in during a performance and (only occasionally) letting auditorium doors slam. I'm not sure how well this could be enforced; a big sign telling people not to enter might work, but otherwise, it would require monitors, and I'm not sure who would do that job; directors wouldn't want to miss hearing their students play, and students themselves would be put in the awkward position of having to tell adults what to do. Not sure what the answer is here...
• The "theme" in our region for many years to get the top two directors from a major university to be the directors for the top two bands, but this year was different (though the directors of the second and third bands had former and current ties, respectively, to Texas A&M-Commerce. While all the bands did well, the top two, being made up mostly of kids who made at least Area if not State, take things to a whole new level. It's hard to believe that they're high school kids who had less than two days of rehearsal to put this together.

  (And a thought hit me tonight: Perhaps one of the reasons that these bands sound more like college bands than high school ones--besides the obvious fact that they're being conducted by college directors--is that the bands are often quite senior-laden. That means in around eight months, many of the people on stage will be playing in college bands.)

• I only have two mild bits of criticism of the concert: For the first time that I can remember, the parents, directors and private teachers of the students on stage were not asked to stand before each band's performance. In the private teaching world, we often do our jobs behind the scenes, and I have to admit I really missed having the one opportunity (besides this concert's middle school counterpart last weekend) to stand in support of my students. I was also surprised that, while the players who made Area were recognized in the program, those who made All-State were not singled out this year. To me, that's all a bit unfortunate.
• Quote of the night, from the concert coordinator/emcee, noting that few things in education can compare to the All-Region concert experience: "It's not as if, when you're named to the All-Area football team, that you get together and play a game after eight hours of practice." Well said.

Did you really make it through this whole post? Congrats; you're a marathon winner in much the same way as those of us who stayed for the entire concert!

I'm sure I'll be writing a similar post next year. Stay tuned!

Kids Contniue to Say the Darnedest Things About Classical Composers

This morning, a kid made a mistake that made what he was playing sound more like "Für Elise" than his actual solo. I hummed a few bars and the kid understood what I meant...
 
ME: So do you know who wrote "Für Elise"?
KID: I should know this...
ME: He's one of the famous ones. If I asked you to name three famous classical composers, who would they be?
KID: Beethoven, Bach, and...that other guy.
ME: That narrows it down...
KID: He was from Europe!
ME: That *really* narrows it down...
KID: Wagner? No, wait--he was Russian.

(Props to the kid for pronouncing Wagner correctly, despite the geographical gaffe...)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

I was working with a kid on a solo published by the Neil A. Kjos company, and the kid noted the unusual name...

KID: What kind of a name is that?
ME: It sounds Scandinavian to me. Do you know where Scandinavia is?
KID: In England!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Accompanists

As my students pick their solos and turn in their forms, I always check to make sure they've contacted an accompanist as well...

ME: So are you using someone on the list?
KID: No, it's someone from my church.
ME: Ahh yes, the proverbial Nice Lady from Church. (I've found that many students use the Nice Lady from Church rather than people on the list at school; said lady tends to be either really good or just awful--very few in-betweens.)
KID: Yeah, but it's a dude.
ME: That's right--you told me that. The Nice Dude from Church, then.
KID: He's nice-ish, but he has his Ph.D in music, so I hope he's not too pushy about everything.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Solo Pieces

One of my students is playing a Bach gavotte for his solo, and I was seeing if he could pronounce the title and composer correctly...

ME: So how do you say the name of this piece?
KID: Guh-VO-tay.
ME: Close. Guh-VAHT. And who's the composer?
KID: John Sebastian Bach.
ME: Close. But it's not John.
KID: Joanne?

Band Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Choir Kids

While working on a solo with a student, we noted that the arranger broke some eighth-note beams between phrases, and how that made it look more like choral music than instrumental music...

ME: Do you know why they don't often beam eighth notes in choir music? (The correct answer, in my experience, is that each note corresponds to a sung syllable of the text.)
KID: Because otherwise, they can't count it very well?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things at Concerts

At the end of the show tonight, a random kid I didn't recognize said hello to me in the hallway. Figuring maybe he was a friend or sibling of a student (and being an outgoing person myself), I said hello back.

KID: So are you Emily's dad?
ME: Nope.
KID: Whose father are you?
ME: Nobody's, so far as I know.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms

At this point, most of my beginners have learned the term "divisi"--a divided part on a single line. One beginner noticed a divisi duet that took up four lines: his response was, "Wow, that's a long DaVinci."

(And yes, a brief discussion of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would follow.)

Reason #247 Why I'm Glad I Don't Work for a Corporation

While out running my errands this afternoon, I decided I wanted a peppermint mocha from the Starbucks inside the Tom Thumb where I was shopping. But they couldn't make any specialty drinks, because they'd run out of milk--this, despite being in a grocery store that is full of milk that they were not allowed to buy (yes, I asked). Things would be a lot simpler if the barista were allowed to do that, but i guess that would've taken too many layers of bureaucracy to accomplish. *sigh*

I'd LIke to Thank the Academy. (No, Really.)

We're iced in here in North Texas, so I might as well blog a bit...

I've ranted about various aspects of the Grammys over the years--everything from how they award most of the jazz awards before the TV show even comes on, to ridiculous mispronunciations of artists' names on the broadcast (like "Pat METH-uh-nee" back in the day) that would never happen to pop performers, but I think they've done something right this year, and It's the first time I've seen this: Putting people like Dave Koz and Boney James in the Instrumental Pop category, saving the Instrumental Jazz ranks for, well, people who play music that most jazz musicians would consider jazz, like Gary Burton, Christian McBride and Kenny Garrett. Well done, guys! This was needed years ago.

(I'd also like to thank the voters for giving nominations to some great artists that deserve wider recognition, such as Snarky Puppy and Darcy James Argue's Secret Society.)
 

Choir Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Band Instruments

As one of my students came out of his saxophone lesson, the choir kids were already gathered in the hallway outside the practice wing...

CHOIR KID: Yeah, (band kid's name)! Way to rock that...trombone!
BAND KID: Nope. Saxophone.
CHOIR KID: I knew that. I was just checking to see if you knew.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Old Composers

This morning, I was doing solo demos in lessons, and a piece by Handel came up. The kid had heard of "Messiah" before and recognized the melody to the Hallelujah Chorus, but I didn't expect what came next...

KID (points to top of music): We have lots of those in our house.
ME (after thinking for a second): Handles?
KID: Yup.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

A student was playing through a solo and suddenly had a measure where everything just came apart...

ME: Whoa, what happened there?
KID: I'm just looking at that as one giant measure of stupid.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Use Bad Grammar

This morning, I was working with a kid who had tempo problems with a certain passage...

ME: Think about a few years from now, when you're driving. Your passengers wouldn't appreciate a sudden burst of acceleration like that.
KID: Yeah, I've droven my sister's sports car before, and you barely have to touch the accelerator.
ME: "Droven," huh? I'm guessing you haven't had English class today.
KID: Yeah, I have.

(The same kid would tell me later in the lesson that Étude #2 was the "funnest" of the three.)

Thanksgiving Greetings

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I may not have been able to post every day about the things for which I'm thankful, but I'll do it now: Family. Friends. Friends who are as close as family. And of course to my Sinfonian brothers, who are such a big part of my life, whether I've known you for my entire time in the brotherhood or whether you were just initiated in the past week.

And music. One of the finer gifts from God--a wonderful form of expression, an uplift of the spirit, and the literal soundtrack of our lives. Also, the chance to teach and play it every day and actually make a living doing so, while working with the most wonderful people (students and teachers alike) in the process.

May you and yours have a blessed day!

Nephews Say the Darnedest Things

As many of you know, I adopted a cat over the summer. His shelter name, which I kept, was Austin, which is also the place where my sister and her family reside. I was talking at dinner with my oldest nephew about the newest member of my household.

NEPHEW: You have a cat?
ME: Yeah, I got him at the end of the summer, since the last time we saw each other.
DAD: And you'll never guess what his name is...
NEPHEW (after a long pause): Kevin Jr.?

Sometimes the Teacher Says the Darnedest Things, Too

There's a spot in the slow All-Region etude this year that I, as a high-schooler myself, played incorrectly until we got in the audition room; I heard the three kids before me play it "wrong" until I realized that I myself was wrong. (I quickly fixed it and beat all of them, so I dodged a metaphorical bullet there.)

All my students know about this mistake and how strongly I feel about them not replicating it. So when a kid made that exact mistake this morning, I said "Whenever somebody plays an Eb there, Satan kicks a puppy." (The kid dissolved in laughter, saying that he'd had a rough week so far and really needed that.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Vacation Plans

As noted earlier, I always ask my students if they're going someplace exciting for the break. One kid came up with this gem...

KID: I'm going to Arkansas to go squirrel hunting!
ME: But you don't really need to go so far away to do that, do you? Couldn't you just sit out back and pick 'em off the utility wires?
KID: The ones here eat junk. We go where the tasty squirrels are.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Unfamiliar Places

Before a big holiday, I'll often ask my students if they get to go someplace exciting over the break. They will often return the inquiry, and I'll respond with the name of the Houston suburb where my parents currently reside. But those who are unfamiliar with that area don't always believe this place is real...

KID: So are you going anywhere?
ME: I am; I'm going to Sugar Land.
KID: Sugar Land--isn't that in a board game?
ME: That would be Candy Land.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

The kid in yesterday's post with whom I was discussing Bach also knew of both Germany and Austria, and he knew that Austria and Australia are two different places.

So I complimented him on his geographical knowledge, and I mentioned how few people I taught last spring knew where Vermont was ("It's in Canada?" "It's in New Hampshire?"), hoping that he knew that correctly as well...

KID: Vermont...that's in Europe, right!
ME: Nope, it's in New England. One of the original 13 states.
KID: Well, I know where a lot of other countries are. Like Brazil. That's on the west coast of South America!
ME: It's on the east coast of South America.
KID: That's what I meant.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About the Musical Alphabet

Here's a bonus KSTDT, since I haven't posted too many this week: The subject of how there once was a note called H came up with another student, and after explaining it to him, I noted that a lot of Bach's friends and peers made musical tributes to him by using the motif Bb-A-C-B natural (B-A-C-H in old-school notation). Before i explained that, I wanted to be sure that he knew who Bach was...

ME: You've heard of Bach, right?
KID: Yeah! Johann What's-his-face Bach!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About School Holidays

A student hadn't yet paid me for this month and wondered exactly how much month was left...

KID: Are there any more lessons in November?
ME: No, because next Thursday is...?
KID: Spring break!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About the Audition Process

I don't usually do KSTDT posts in weekends, but here's one in honor of the auditions I helped judge earlier today:  I was telling a seventh grader about the All-District process, where the kids go in one at a time to play. This is usually less "scary" than the high school process...

ME: It's not till 9th grade that you'll have to play with everyone in the room.
KID: Then I'll move to Oklahoma.
ME: Where they probably do the exact same thing!

UPDATE: I hope the kid has the moving van ready, because I found out this week that, starting this year, the middle-schoolers  do go in all at once now.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Numbers (and Other Random Stuff)

As often happens, a rhythmic discussion touched on the idea that the counting done by musicians isn't that hard compared to other uses of numbers...

ME: We do the easy math in here. You rarely have to count past 16 to be a musician. Maybe for other things in life, like spending money.
KID: But $16 is a lot of money!
ME: Unless you want to replace your iPod. You wouldn't really want a $16 iPod...
KID: Yeah, you probably couldn't even get it to turn on!
ME: Or if you could, it'd be loaded with all these really bad heavy metal songs that you can't take off.
KID: My dad loves that stuff! He's weird.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Expression

Here's a bonus KSTDT since I forgot to post a few times this week: One of them recently put an unscheduled molto ritardando in his music, and it sounded really strange.

ME: What was that all about?
KID: I just really like to make my music sound deep and thoughtful.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Forget Song Titles

Recently, a beginner regaled me with the following: "We learned a new song today: Swing Low Sweet Something Something." I can only assume that, since he said "something" twice, he initially heard the title as "Swing Low Sweet Cherry Ut."

Kids Buy the Darnedest Things

A sixth-grader was very happy to find a used copy of the beginner method I use for lessons at Half Price Books for literally half price. And she was very surprised--as was I--that said book had my handwriting in it...as well as my beginner outline, my attendance policy contract, and some random flute music.

(Considering that the attendance contract has my name, address and phone number on it, I'm glad that it was sold to my student and not a stranger, though I guess I could have potentially picked up a new student in the latter case.)


UPDATE: Just a clarification: The book in question has my handwriting in it because I taught a previous student out of it, rather than it being my own former personal book. I don't think I've ever sold back a music book; even my old Grout music history text is still on the shelf (though I did ceremoniously burn the paper cover when I finished that sequence of classes).

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Give Their Teacher Compliments

I was explaining the point system for All-District to a seventh grader who'll be going for the first time; the maximum possible score is 200 points.

KID: That's a lot of points. I'd have to be pretty much perfect...like you.

(Everybody say "Awwwww.")

Kids Continue To Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

A middle-schooler was trying scales from memory for the first time in preparation for All-District auditions in a few weeks, and one of them wasn't quite there yet...

ME: Don't forget--there's an A-flat in that key signature.
KiD: I memorized it wronger.
ME: Well, by all means, let's make it righter.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Local Rivalries

When a student mentioned something about an unusual echo in the practice room, I noted that it was even more pronounced at another one of my schools...

ME: You should hear what it sounds like at, you know...that "other" school.
KID: Which one is that?
ME: You know--your hated rival.
KID: We hate lots of other schools.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Holiday Decorations

With people staring to play Christmas music in band, I mentioned to a student that I used to work at a Christmas store in college, and we used to get shipments of multiple German trees in giant crates, and how long it took to unpack them.

KID: And these were real trees?
ME; Yeah, they chopped up the branches and you had to glue them back together.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Halloween Costumes (or Lack Thereof)

One of my high schools allowed their students to come to school in (approved) costumes if they made a small donation (to charity? Scholarship fund? I'm not sure). One girl I was teaching showed up in a black shirt, flowing black skirt and a fancy white scarf, giving off sort of an "island" vibe; I wasn't sure if it was a costume or not.

ME: So what are you dressed as today?
KID: Basic White Girl.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Earliest Musical Days

Today, I reminded a middle-schooler that, while he was still playing out of an "elementary" method book, that didn't mean it was only intended for elementary-schoolers...

KID: We played those little recorders in elementary school...and they were cheap! They didn't even record anything!
ME: So you didn't get to record anything on it, huh?
KID: I made a little song that goes like (*hums a few notes*).
ME: Nice.
KID: But it became a big hit in Australia. The kangaroos loved it!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Randomly Pass By You in the Band Hall

This morning, one walked by with the following lament: "He broke my spirit of hatred!"

That was on the heels of someone last week who came in chanting, "I'm a cow, and I don't know how."

KIds Say the Darnedest Things About Their Schools

Listening to a particularly noisy lesson coming from the practice room next door, my student asked why the rooms didn't have better soundproofing...

ME: When they build a school, they take bids to see who can pretty much build the school as inexpensively as possible without the building falling down.
KID: *laughs*
ME: Which means they forgot a few things, like putting a water fountain in the Fine Arts wing.
KID: The Fine Arts wing? Where's that?
ME: We're in it.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Theoretical Situatiions

This time, a beginner played a C instead of an A, and I was trying to help him remember the correct note for next time.

ME: How do you know it's supposed to be an A? (The answer I was looking for was "because the stem points upward.")
KID: Because it's in the A space.
ME: True, but I want you to remember it in other ways than that. After all, that little house in your backyard might be called a doghouse, but suppose I put a weasel in there?
KID: It would jump out.
ME: Why?
KID: Because there might be a dog in there.

KIds Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes, and the "Mistakes" of Others

Today, one was nailing the really hard counting in the half-time etude and then proceeded to mess up a half note. I reminded him that doing such a thing was like writing a really brilliant essay and misspelling the word "cat."

KID: But there is the candy bar...
ME: I know; that's the usual excuse--the Kit Kat bar.
KID: I almost punched someone the other day for eating a Kit Kat bar wrong.
ME: Wrong?
KID: Yeah, you know--how it's supposed to be broken into four parts?
ME: Right, and so...
KID: He ate it sideways!
ME: And that bothered you?
KID: Yes, it did!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Totally Random Stuff

Not sure how this came up, but the kid in question is kind of a chatterbox...

KID: My brother has a duck call! It's from the Duck Dynasty people. He uses it all the time. I wish I could use it!
ME: But then you'd have ducks in the house. Better have some crackers...
KID: Bread and crackers for the ducks; we have both of those at our house...Do you know if ducks like Wheat Thins?
ME: Ha--no clue.
KID: And if not, all the better, because I love Wheat Thins!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Patriotic Songs

One way I teach the importance of rhythm in music is by playing a familiar song with no rhythmic change at all, such as The Star-Spangled Banner all in quarter notes. I did that for a student this morning and awaited her reaction...

ME: So did you recognize that?
KID: Yes, but I forgot the name! Oh...it's...it's that song where you go up to the flag!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Household Products

I was teaching a kid who forgot his ligature two weeks in a row, and both times, I had a spare one to loan him. But I pointed out that a while back, my own ligature broke, and the one with my jazz mouthpiece didn't fit my classical mouthpiece. Faced with a full day of teaching at the house and no time to run an errand, I improvised by making a temporary ligature out of duct tape...

KID: So you were in a sticky predicament.
ME: I see what you did there.

Kids WEAR the Darnedest Things

I just saw a middle schooler wearing a T-shirt with "FML" in big letters...and below that, in much smaller letters, was the explanation: Flute Marching Line.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Classic Literature

While working with a student on the jazz ballad for tonight's region tryouts, I tried to put the traditional idea in his head of the ballad being the love song...

ME: So just think of how you'd romance your true love when playing this--standing with your horn below the balcony, sort of like in Romeo and Juliet.
KID: You wanna know my favorite part of Romeo and Juliet? The part where they drink the poison!
ME: You're a true romantic, I see...

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About the Calendar

Here's a bonus KSTDT that I forgot to post last week:  As this one was initialing the attendance log, I was also hoping he'd brought his first-of-the-month payment...

ME: So did you bring me something today?
KID: *looks confused*
ME: Your payment?
KID: It's October already?
ME: For three days now! You haven't been writing "September 33rd" on your papers today, have you?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About History

I can't remember how the subject of Albert Einstein came up, but I pointed out that really smart people weren't necessarily amazing at all aspects of life...

ME: According to legend, Einstein couldn't even tie his own shoelaces.
KID: I didn't know they even had shoelaces back then!
ME: Einstein just lived this past century; it's not like he was wearing those big Roman sandals or anything...
KID (does old man voice): Back in my day, we didn't even have shoelaces!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Make Mistakes

After a kid accidentally left a note completely out of a measure in the music he was working on today, he exclaimed, "Oh, my weirdness!"

I told him that was the second-funniest thing I'd ever heard a kid say in that situation. The funniest? A Southern belle-type girl who always used to say "Oh, my land!" after her mistakes...which eventually devolved into "Oh, Mylanta!" (Maybe her mistakes were giving her digestive distress?)

Principals Say the Darnedest Things

My district is now requiring students to wear ID badges on lanyards at all times while at school, and one of the schools, after a long roll-out, is going live with the process on Monday. In anticipation of the event, an assistant principal made a very (unintentionally?) amusing announcement this morning.

PRINCIPAL: So you guys get on Twitter, or whatever it is you do, and remind yourselves to wear your IDs starting on Monday.

(This made both the kid I was teaching and myself laugh uproariously. But at least the principal didn't call it "the Twitter," like someone much older and less internet-savvy would have done.)

KID: I don't even have a Twitter! I have enough trouble with Facebook and Instagram...

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Old Cliché Phrases

ME: What's up with all the missing slurs all of a sudden? You're tonguing everything under the sun today.
KID: Maybe I even tongued the sun!
ME: Now that would be painful...

Cashiers Say the Darnedest Things

I had to make a late-night run for some drain cleaner last night, and the cashier was in a jovial mood...

CASHIER: Alright--that'll be 464 pennies.
ME: I bet you'd love it if I actually paid you that way.
CASHIER: Ah, I wouldn't care; I get paid by the minute, and I'd have to count each of 'em slowly and carefully.

He then regaled me with a long-but-funny story about an old buddy of his who ended up with a $4000-something tax bill, and--after multiple trips to the bank over a week or so--paid his accountant the entire amount in pennies. The guy, the cashier and a few other friends evidently had a grand old time sitting around, drinking beer and unrolling the pennies to stuff them in more than a few gunnysacks.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Notation

One of the Region etudes has a breath mark after bar one, mostly because there isn't another logical place to breathe until bar five. But a kid this morning just blew right through that breath mark as if it weren't there...

ME: So why do you think the composer put a breath there?
KID: Because there was a bug on the page?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Markings

A middle-schooler and I were discussing the use of the accent mark in music...

ME: What happens when you play a note with an accent?

KID: You start speaking French?

Kids Frequently Say the Darnedest Things About Rhythmic Values

This semester, nearly all my students (middle school, high school and college--everyone except beginners) have some sort of double-dotted quarter note rhythm in their music. I've had multiple occurrences of this scenario:

ME: So the double-dotted quarter note is like a quarter note tied to an eighth note, tied to a sixteenth note. How much is all of that worth?
KID: 1.75.

(While counting in decimals would solve the argument of the "and" vs. "te" subdivisions once and for all, it would be kind of annoying in regular usage. Imagine a director saying, "OK, everyone come in on the .5 of beat four.")

Where Were You...

...when you heard the news, a dozen years ago? This entry from 2004 bears repeating:

I was on a break from teaching, like every Tuesday, and actually spent the time of the attacks in blissful ignorance at the Rockwall Starbucks. I had CD's on in my car instead of the radio, so I totally missed the news on both the way over and the way back. I did hear someone listening to a radio on the patio and they were talking about "the second plane," but it didn't register with me at all. (It amazed me later that nobody walked inside and told us about it.)

When I got back to the school, the flute teacher stopped me in the hallway and asked me if all my students were being pulled out of school (evidently hers were). I said, "No, why?" and she told me what had happened. I spent the rest of the day like everyone else, in shocked, depressed amazement, catching the news when I could. There I was, not even two weeks into being a homeowner, and the world suddenly felt so different. It added to the pall cast over everything when I found out that the sister of a girl I graduated from high school with was on Flight 93, the one that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania.

The whole thing felt so surreal; how could anyone hate us that much? The concept of the suicide hijacking was unprecedented as well (before that, hijackers just usually wanted to go to Cuba, and that's why airline personnel were taught to cooperate with them rather than try to subdue them).

I know there are still terrorist plots being hatched, and people capable of carrying them out...but I hope nothing like this ever happens on U.S. soil again. Or anywhere, for that matter.

As the school where i was teaching this morning held its traditional 9/11 moment of silence during the late 8:00 hour, it struck me that the sixth grader I was teaching at the time was still a year away from being born on that fateful day in '01.

It's been a long time now...but may we never forget.

Is Our Schools Learning?

I saw this the other day on the way to church, and it was too funny not to share in as many places as possible: 

As I said on Facebook, I hope that the "teachel" is a better speller (or perhaps a better "spellel") than the person who's in charge of this sign.

It's a New School Year, and Kids Are Already Saying the Darnedest Things

This morning, a beginner was looking ahead in the book...

KID: So when I get to the duet down there, how am I gonna do that? Will I be playing along with a recording or something?

ME: *scratches goatee* Hmm...I wonder where in the world we might find another person who plays saxophone, who could do the other part...

(The kid figured it out at that point.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Rhythmic Values

One of the All-Region etudes has quarter notes tied to sixteenth notes, and we were trying to establish the value of that rhythm...

ME: So how much is a quarter note worth?
KID: One.
ME: Right. And how about a sixteenth?
KID: One-sixteenth.
ME: One sixteenth of a...?
KID: One sixteenth of a beat!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Band Directors

Overheard at a school today, from one director to another: "[Kid] thinks you're 58 years old because you have gray hair. She says if you have gray hair, you must be 58 and nearing the end of your life."

(I bet that director hopes that kid will go prematurely gray by age 25, just because of karma )

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms

We're still having fun with the cadenza in the slow All-Region etude...

ME: So above this big string of notes is the abbreviation "Cad."; what does that stand for.
KID: Coda?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Patriotic Songs

A middle-schooler was playing all the right notes, but some wrong rhythms, and despite several tries, he couldn't identify rhythm as the problem he was having. I did a little exercise to show him the importance of rhythm in music...

ME: (plays "The Star-Spangled Banner" entirely in quarter notes) Now, what song was that?
KID: No clue.
ME: Probably because it was all one rhythm. Now, here it is with the proper rhythm (plays song properly). Do you recognize it now?
KID: Yeah! It's the State of Texas song!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They're Making Puns Out of Instrument Names

Today, I saw a student who had been out for a few weeks..

KID: So what's new with you?
ME: Well, you haven't been here since before the Fourth of July, so the newest thing with me is my new bari out there.
KID: Well, I'm bari glad to see you!
ME: You do know what a bari is, right?
KID: Yeah--that thing you pick off a tree...and sometimes they're poisoned if you're not careful.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Note Values

The slow All-Region sax etude for high-schoolers this year starts with a double-dotted quarter note, so there's been a lot of (relatively easy) math this week while introducing it.

ME: So if the first dot adds half the value of the note, and the second dot adds half the value of the first dot, how long will the whole thing be?
KID: Almost two.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms

This year's All-Region music for saxophones has a cadenza in one of the etudes, and the sight of all those tiny notes in a row alarmed one student upon first viewing them...

ME: So let me explain what that is. Do you see the abbreviation "Cad." above that passage? What does that stand for?
KID: *thinks for a second* Cadenza!
ME: That's right! And what does cadenza mean?
KID (enthusiastically): I don't know!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Dynamic Markings on Their Music

In my camp band this morning, I pointed out a place where the music got softer...

ME: So, please notice that this section suddenly goes to "mf." What does "mf" stand for?
KID: Morte forte!

Kids Know the Darnedest Things

This was from an incoming sixth-grader this morning...

ME (after a note struggled to come out): That one had a little trouble.
KID: Yeah, I need to ret my weed. (Laughs) Did you hear that? I said "ret my weed." I spoonerized!
ME: Wait...you know what a spoonerism is?
KID: Of course! Because they're so much fun!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Learning Instrument Care

During the very first lesson, I was advising a beginner about the potential downside of using a Reedgard...

ME: If you don't dry the reed off completely, it might mildew at the point of contact.
KID: (makes face)
ME: Do you know what mildew is?
KID: Gross stuff.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Note Values

This time, a new beginner was being re-introduced to half notes, which he'd already encountered when playing the recorder in elementary music class.

ME: So how much is a half note worth?
KID: (hesitates) Half?
ME: Half of what?
KID: A note?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Note Values

A middle-schooler missed an eighth rest, and we were discussing it...

ME: So how much is an eighth rest worth?
KID: I don't remember.
ME: OK...how much is an eighth *note* worth?
KID: One-eighth.
ME: One-eighth of what?
KID: Eight?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They're Running Late

One of them explained his lateness as follows: "I suppose I could blame my tardiness on our pet mongoose...except we haven't gotten one yet. And I don't exactly know what a mongoose is."

 After that last sentence, I showed him this. And while he agreed that a mongoose would be a pretty unusual pet, he did note that it was "kinda cute."

Burlington, Part IV: The Part Where I Rave About Dave

BURLINGTON--Some people describe trumpeter Dave Douglas' music as "out." (Those who aren't jazz musicians and aren't familiar with that usage of the word might call it "avant-garde.") And I noted long ago in these pages that the older I get, the "outer" I like, but tonight's concert by Douglas and his quintet at the intimate basement venue known as the FlynnSpace was not only far from "out" to these ears, but it was some of the most engaging music I've heard for this entire long weekend.

Douglas has long been known for his prolific output (and his music now has a ready home, since he started running his own record label a while back) For a while, this music was spread over a rather large number of bands, but lately, he's been concentrating on his quintet, consisting of Matt Mitchell (piano), Jon Irabagon (tenor sax), Linda Oh (bass, with Chris Tordini subbing for her tonight) and Rudy Royston (drums). This group recorded two distinct albums in two days during April of last year: Be Still, a reimagination of traditional hymns and folk songs (with special guest vocalist Aoife O’Donovan, who didn't appear tonight), and Time Travel, an all-instrumental set of contemporary acoustic tunes. These two albums provided the material for tonight's show.

Having been familiar with Douglas' music since a friend turned me onto him about seven years ago, there certainly were familiar elements to be heard. For all this talk of "out," a typical Douglas melody is fairly, well, melodic--even if the notes sometimes take interesting turns or land in unexpected places relative to the chords. The solo work--mostly by Douglas, Irabagon and Mitchell, was both virtuosic and heartfelt, and the mood was appropriately playful or reverent, depending on whether the Time Travel or Be Still music was being played at the moment. Tordini, while not a regular member of the group, provided a solid foundation for things and added a couple of enjoyable, energetic solos, and Royston was full of energy for the entire show.

To this sax player's ears, the really big "find" of the evening was saxophonist Arabagon. Given that the tenor chair in previous Douglas groups has been held by such luminaries as Chris Potter and Donny McCaslin, it's a given that Irabagon is no slouch, and the onetime Chicagoan indeed boasts an impressive resume. He provides not only tasty licks, dazzling technique and clever use of harmonics, but also a warm, enjoyable sound and a definite sense of fun--all of which make him a perfect foil for Douglas. This is definitely someone to watch in the future.

Despite this being my fifth trip to the Burlington Discover Jazz Festival, tonight was my first time to ever see a concert in the smaller FlynnSpace (though I'd seen many of the "Meet the Artist" sessions there, including one with Douglas this afternoon). While I'd like to think he could have drawn well upstairs in the main theatre, it was great to see Douglas and company up close and personal in this club-like setting. The sound was great, and it was easy to see, despite being in the back section of chairs (Note to self: show up more than fifteen minutes early for any future shows here).

So, there's still that question of how "out" this all is, and I believe (as I said in the earlier post linked above, and paraphrasing Dewey Redman) that outness is in the ear of the behearer. To me, the only thing even remotely avant-garde about tonight might have been when Douglas and Irabagon engaged in some collective soloing, but the interplay fit so well together that I didn't even bat an eye (or an ear). And while some of the people who were with us tonight thought it was a little too out for their tastes...well, I might not have liked it at age 19 either. To those folks I would say this: Keep studying the music, and your ears might open up to this a little more. From my standpoint, it was one of the emotional highlights of the four days of headliner concerts here so far: Beautiful writing and beautiful musicianship. I can't wait to see this group again.  

Another voice: Once again, I invite you to read another take on this concert, by Brent Hallenbeck of the Burlington Free Press. We may occasionally say similar things, but I never read his take before posting mine.

Four Really Good MFs Were Playin' Tunes at the Flynn Tonight

BURLINGTON--Among the slew of tenor players in the jazz world, it might be easy to overlook Branford Marsalis, or at least take him for granted. He's not as flashy as a Joshua Redman or Chris Potter, and he spent his early years in the shadow of his younger but slightly better-known brother Wynton. But over all this time, he's been building up a solid body of work, which was on display tonight at the Flynn Center.

Though Marsalis has worked with groups of a variety of sizes over the years, it's his quartet (Joey Calderazzo, piano; Eric Revis, bass; and "new" drummer Justin Faulkner, who's been with the group for three years but only one recording) that serves as his primary vehicle. During a pre-concert interview/Q&A session with noted jazz writer Bob Blumenthal, he stated that the reason for doing this was similar to why so many of the great classical composers kept returning to writing for the string quartet: "Because it works." And with the longevity of this working group, they've been able to build up a solid repertoire of original compositions and the occasional standard that encompass a variety of styles.

After making his name as mostly a tenor player, Marsalis has spent quite a bit of time on soprano sax lately, even recording a classical album on the little horn a while back. And while his soprano work often does have a classical bent to it, his tone quality on it is full and beautiful (and, yes, in tune), and the improvisation never strays far from jazz.

The group's newest recording, released last August, is called Four MFs Playin' Tunes, and that's certainly both cheeky and understated, as these are no ordinary MFs. The presence of Calderazzo alone adds a major element to this group, as it becomes a powerful trio in its own right when the leader isn't soloing; the pianist also adds many fine compositions to the mix, including tonight's opener, "The Mighty Sword," which also serves as the lead track for the newest album. Revis provides a solid foundation throughout, especially on the ostinato bass lines that underpin so many of the group's tunes, and he adds tasty solos when called for. New drummer Faulkner, younger than his bandmates, provided energy and creativity throughout. In the pre-concert session with Blumenthal, Marsalis stated what he believes to be the problem with many jazz musicians these days: The tendency to go for technique at the expense of communication and emotional connection with the listener. And while some of his tunes may be a bit angular and less-than-singable by the average Joe on the street, there is certainly a lot to be enjoyed here by jazz fans who aren't working musicians themselves. While the programming may have been unusual--the group closed with the ballad "As Summer Into Autumn Slips" (also from the new album), after playing what Marsalis dubbed the "big song" (did anyone get a title on that?)--there was a lot to be enjoyed tonight. And the encore, "Tiger Rag" (yes, that one) closed the evening in rollicking fashion. He may get taken for granted a lot, but I for one am glad that Branford is around; he's making great contributions to the music that can't be ignored. Another voice:,/b> Brent Hallenbeck of the Burlington Free Press has his take on the concert.

Don't Worry...a major artist can do an entire show without performing his signature song, and the audience will still Be Happy about it.

BURLINGTON--Day Two of the Burlington Discover Jazz Festival is in the books, and tonight was definitely something special, as the amazing, beyond-category vocal master Bobby McFerrin brought his new "spirityouall" show to the Flynn Center.

The new recording of the same name finds McFerrin presenting fresh interpretations of a fine collection of great American spiritual numbers in a variety of styles. He was inspired by the work of his father, the noted operatic baritone Robert McFerrin, Sr., and this album shares three songs with one recorded by the elder McFerrin in the late 1950s...but the results are all Bobby, doing the things he's known for best: Vocal percussion, dazzling impersonations of instruments, and seamless transition from deep bass notes to extreme falsetto within a note or two.

Though McFerrin is best known for his solo vocal endeavors (and with a talent like his, a band is not even necessary in most cases), he is backed by a full band on this new effort, and what a band it is: Keyboardist/accordionist Gil Goldstein (who's worked with pretty much everybody who's anybody in the jazz world), multi-instrumentalist David Mansfield (who counts guitar, violin and lap steel among his arsenal), guitarist Armand Hirsch, bassist Scott Colley (featured on several of the last Michael Brecker tours I saw) and drummer/background vocalist/guitarist Louis Cato (whose singing blended so well with the leader that some of us thought he was McFerrin's son). The band provided the perfect accompaniment to the dazzling vocals as the styles changed between gospel, country, blues, and--of course--jazz.

It's hard to decide on a highlight of the concert, because the whole thing was a highlight from start to finish (running nearly two hours without an intermission, and only the shortest break before an encore that was well-earned in this case. Every tune was a true gem, no matter what the style (and it wasn't uncommon for something to take a stylistic turn mid-song). Part of the charm of it all was that it was never certain when McFerrin would take the place of any instrument that was playing, and the solos and melodies were simply all over the place, yet delightfully so.

He was also engaging with the audience, inviting people to come up to the mic and contribute a verse of "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands" and even taking requests for a while; whether he truly knew the song or not, he and the band would give it a try. (And thankfully, requests for "Don't Worry, Be Happy," shouted from near where we were sitting in the balcony, were either unheard or ignored.)

On the page for this album on McFerrin's website, he says the following: "What I want everyone to experience at the end of my concerts is . . . .this sense of rejoicing. I don’t want the audience to be blown away by what I do, I want them to have this sense of real joy, from the depths of their being. Then you open up a place where grace can come in.” I think it's safe to say that tonight's audience left with a sense of joy and were blown away by what you did, Bobby. So glad you could grace us with your presence tonight.

Another voice: Arts writer Brent Hallenbeck of the Burlington Free Press also has a review of the concert.

Blogging from Burlington

It's been quite a while since I've done a concert review on here, but I'll be spending the next several days at the Burlington Discover Jazz Festival, and it's my intent to review the four concerts we'll be seeing starting tomorrow night: Dr. Lonnie Smith Trio and John Scofield's Uberjam Band on a twin bill; Bobby McFerrin; the Branford Marsalis Quartet, and Dave Douglas.
The wi-fi at the hotel is rather spotty at this point, so the reviews may not be as timely as I'd like them to be, but they will be completed after I get home at the latest. Here's hoping that these reviews will become a regular part of this blog again...

As Predicted, Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

The kid from last week who thought Vermont was in Canada was having fun with that today, repeatedly telling me to "have fun in Vancouver, Canada." After letting him know that he was only off by an entire coast, he eventually said, "So Vancouver is really in Minnesota, right?"

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When You Reject Their Fundraising Efforts

KID: Would you like to buy some candy to help my church?
ME: I'll have to use that lame-but-true teacher excuse in this case: if I bought something from you, I'd have to buy something from everybody.
KID: But not everyone here goes to my church. (points to kid across the hall from him) This guy hates God!

(He was kidding, of course, and the alleged God-hater took the joke in good fun.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Famous Classical Compositions

Since I slacked yesterday and didn't post, here's a bonus KSTDT: Last week, I was letting a student know that we'd be starting the very basics of improvisation the following week...

ME: So next week, we'll go the piano room and start improv.
KID: But I don't play piano!
ME: You won't be playing piano; you'll be playing your sax. I don't play very much piano myself, but I can play the two chords we'll use for your first improvisation.
KID: The only thing I can play on piano is that "Da da Da da Da da Da da Daaaaaah."
ME: Ahh yes, "Für Elise."
KID: Yup--by Mozart something-or-other.

(To his credit, the kid did pronounce "Mozart" correctly...)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

I have a feeling that a lot of kids will say the darnedest things before I leave on my trip next week. It happened again...

ME: Next week, we're taking the jazz band to a festival in Vermont.
KID: Vermont--that's in Canada, right?
ME: Close-- it's right next to it. And that's funny; the other day, a kid thought it was in New Hampshire.
KID: Well, I was closer.
ME: Actually, you're equally close; Vermont borders New Hampshire on the east and Canada on the north.
KID: I'm still closer.

(I did have to concede that the part of Vermont where we'll be is slightly closer to Canada than New Hampshire.)

Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

When I mentioned the upcoming college jazz trip to Vermont, the kid nailed the area of the country but missed badly in terms of sovereignty...

KID: So you're going to Vermont?
ME: That's right.
KID: Isn't that in New Hampshire?
ME: Right next to it.
KID: Oh yeah--it's a state!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Modes

 I was reviewing them with a kid earlier in the year, and he thought he remembered all the names...

KID: I know all the scales: Dorian, Midolyxian...Mixolyxian?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Elements (and Food)

Another one that got caught up in the pipe until now...

A while back, a student came up with this gem: "I don't like scales...unless I'm eating fish."

(But even then, wouldn't you remove the scales before eating?)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Their Teachers Bend the Rules

I just realized that I've stockpiled quite a few Kids Say the Darnedest Things quotes that never got posted during the year...so I'll post one of them every school day from now till the end of the public school semester (unless any new ones come up). Here's the first one, from a high schooler...

KID: We watched a "visual representation" in English class.
To "enhance our understanding" of To Kill a Mockingbird. Because we're not allowed to watch "movies."

(For everything in quotes above, the kid was making air quotes with his fingers.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Alternate Fingerings

Here's how a student described his reluctance to switch from side Bb to bis, even when it made the arpeggio in question a lot easier to play: "It's like switching religions."

(I spent the rest of the lesson repeatedly encouraging him to join the Church of Bis.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Other Sections in the Band

I was reminding a student of the importance of keeping going after making a mistake when we're in "performance mode," and I was treated with this gem...

ME: Imagine what the whole band would sound like if everyone stopped whenever they made a mistake...
KID: Our trumpets wouldn't even play!

(Cue sound of trumpet section being thrown under the bus...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Written Edition)

I was amused by a handmade recruiting poster for the high school colorguard that I saw today. According to the poster, Reason #1 to join is "Get tan."

(Reason #2, in case you were wondering, is "Make tons of friends.")

(College) KIds Say the Darnedest Things About Professional Licensing

The subject of medical excuses for missing class came up, and someone wondered if anyone who was a doctor would be able to write his/her own excuse note in that situation...

ME: We had a doctor in big band who lasted about 2 weeks. He even came to auditions in scrubs! But he was still interning, and he always ended up being on call during rehearsal times and having to leave.
KID: So what, he didn't pass his bar exam or something?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Math

This beginner was learning about dotted quarter notes and reviewing the idea that a dot placed after a note adds half the value of that note...

ME: So how many beats is a quarter note worth?
KID: One.
ME: And what's half of one?
KID: Zero?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition), Part 3

On this day in 2005, an eighth grader was in rare form...

KID (after having a lot of rhythmic trouble on a piece of music): I think I should start tapping my foot again.
ME: Yes, you really should; it's important.
KID: I thought it was just sort of a ritual...like sacrificing a pig.
(That one stopped me in my tracks; did he really say "sacrificing a pig?" Why yes, he did...)
ME: Well, some people would refer to sacrificing a pig as "barbecue."

And one more:
ME: OK, let's play this all the way through one more time, and don't stop, no matter what.
KID: But what if I sneeze, or have a baby or something?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition), Part 2

The same kid who dissed on flats as a sixth grader (as quoted yesterday) hadn't gained any love for them as an eighth grader when he was given a scale sheet where some of the usual sharp keys (F#, C#) were written as flat keys...

KID: I hate flats! Why would anyone write these scales in flats?
ME: Yeah, most saxophonists don't like flats at all, and I know you don't like 'em. Do you remember a few years ago when you said something about E-flat being a wannabe and F-sharp was the president?
KID: Yeah! That's right! Sharps are cool! Sharps are like the really popular kids that are all "gangsta" and everyone wants to hang around them.
ME: (laughs) And flats are what...the chess club?
KID: Exactly! They're like those little nerdy kids that always get picked on.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition)

While many of the kids are away this week, taking STAAR or TAKS tests, I'll post some of the earliest things in this genre (from my blog, in my pre-Facebook days). Here's some from 2007:

SIXTH-GRADER: I rememberized my chromatic scale already.
(At least he had the basic idea of what he meant to say.)

And then the next kid came in...

SIXTH-GRADER #2: I don't got stuff.
ME: What's that?
SIXTH-GRADER #2: I don't got my check. My brother has the chicken pox, so we're focusing on that right now.
(I was laughing too hard at that to get mad at him for forgetting the money.)

And the second kid came up with another gem the same year. He was playing a piece with two flats in it and kept missing the E-flats. That set up the following exchange:

ME: Someone kidnapped the E-flat! It's the case of the missing E-flat....
SIXTH-GRADER #2: Who cares? Who cares about flats? Sharps are what matter. The E-flat is like some wannabe off the streets. The F-sharp is the president.

There's rarely a dull moment in my job... (And by the way, I still teach Sixth Grader #2 as a high school senior; I wonder if he'll recognize himself when he's able to friend me on Facebook in a little over a month.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Make Up Their Own Jokes

Today, one of them started off a lesson with this groaner:

KID: Why does a flute play so high?
ME: I don't know; why?
KID: Because the instrument does drugs!
ME (shakes head): Boo! That's a bad one...
KID: Oh, c'mon; it's on the flute jokes website!
ME: Really now...
KID: It is! It's really old, though; it's been on there since back when people did drugs.
ME: You mean the 1960s? The only websites in the 1960s involved spiders...

("Back when people did drugs"?  No way was I going to burst his innocence on that one.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Work Habits

This one started right at the beginning of the lesson...

(Kid enters room)
ME: Sup?
KID: ¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?
ME: Estoy cansado.
KID: I don't know what that means.
ME: It means I'm tired. I thought you were taking Spanish this year.
KID: Just because I'm in Spanish 2 doesn't mean I know all the words yet.
ME: Of course, but I figured that's one you'd know by now.
KID: I don't actually try to learn in there; I just want to pass.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Vocalists

At my high schools, we share a practice wing with the choir, so my students have to get used to hearing unusual vocal warmups and so on.

KID: I walked by the choir room and they were doing that "do-re-mi" thing.
ME: Yeah, that's a common vocal warmup.
KID: But it sounded like they were summoning a demon.

(It turns out that this was men's chorus rehearsing, and what the kid heard that sounded demonic was the low-register warmups.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Run Out of Steam in the Middle of Playing Something

This one pretty much speaks for itself:

ME: You don't need a breath after one measure...
KID: It's the American way!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Hear Their Teacher Play Advanced Stuff

I often do a quick chromatic or arpeggio passage to "wake up" my reed if I'm about to play along with a student after a period of not playing. In this case, it really caught the ear of this beginner...

KID: Whoa! How did you do that?
ME: I practiced hard and ate all my vegetables.
KID: That's not a very logical answer.

(It turns out that he totally believed the practice part, but wasn't sold on the vegetable aspect, although he later conceded that I was probably healthier from eating some vegetables than if I'd subsisted primarily on chocolate cake the whole time.)

Later on, I did a similar fast lick when joining him again...

KID: Wow, you must know all the notes!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Get Musical Terms Mixed Up

This one started when a kid added an extra eighth note to something he was playing...

ME: Yay--a 4 and a half/4 bar!
KID: That's a fun key signature...

(I'm not sure that I've ever played in the key of four and a half beats per measure before.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Making Musical Puns

I was getting ready to play a duet with a beginner; when he saw what was coming up next, he said, "Oh, it's a duet! And I can't duet without you!"

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When You Pass Them in the Hallway

Heard this morning:

CHOIR GIRL #1: I like your shoe bottoms!
CHOIR GIRL #2: I know, but my feet are freezing!

(Shoe bottoms??)

UPDATE: I realized later that she could have been wearing these.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They MIsunderstand What You Say

The kids are on a roll again: This one said that his mind was working a little slowly today, describing it as "having a blonde day."

KID: Most people don't believe it, but I used to be blonde.
ME: That's not so unusual. I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, then my hair got darker and my eyes turned green.
KID: What? Your hair turned green?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Nonverbal Cues

This morning, a student was having trouble coming in on an upbeat while playing a duet where my rhythm was different...

ME: I'm not sure how you missed that again; I even gave you a cue leading into the upbeat there.
KID: Oh, I thought you were just spazzing out.

(A few minutes later, the same kid said "You look like a tomato" when I played a long passage on one breath. My reply was, "Wow, you're full of compliments today, aren't you?")

Adults Say the Darnedest Things

As I was teaching lessons at the home studio tonight, the doorbell rang a few minutes before the next kid usually arrives. I had the kid who was finishing up his lessons continue to play as I answered the door.

But it wasn't the next kid; it was a lady that I had never seen before.

ME: Hi, can I help you?
LADY: Oh, that's just beautiful! What is that sound?
ME: It's a saxophone.
LADY: That's so nice. I'm just in the neighborhood seeing if you'd like to have your rugs shampooed. (Hesitates a second, still listening to saxophone.) And that's your doorbell? It's still going?
ME: No ma'am, that's someone playing saxophone, and I'm teaching him a lesson right now.
LADY (looks embarrassed): Oh, I see. But that sound really is beautiful!