Parents Say the Darnedest Things

On the way back from dinner, Dad fires up the satellite radio, where Pharoah Sanders is playing a wonderfully squawky solo over a soulful beat...

ME: Ahh, Pharoah...
DAD (reading screen): Are you familiar with Pharoah Sanders?
ME: Very much so. I've even seen him live.
MOM: So is he dead now?
ME: That's not exactly what I meant.

Kids say the Darnedest Things About the Calendar

The subject of septuplets came up recently, so I threw in the historical tidbit that September was originally the seventh month of the year (and October the eighth month, and so on) until the Romans changed it...

ME: And they named the two new months after their most famous Caesars.
KID: January and February?

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Classical Composers

As we begin the "shopping for solos" season, it's inevitable that a piece by Bach will come up. I mentioned Bach's prominence as a composer, which led to the inevitable question...

ME: So...if I asked you to name me three classical composers, who would they be?
KID: Bach, Beethoven and...what's his name?--J. Elliott?
ME: Who?
KID: I think his name is J.S. Elliott.
ME: If you mean T.S. Eliot, he was a poet.
KID: Oops.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About High-End Horns

When a middle schooler's horn kept having to go into the shop recently, his parents were pondering letting him use his older sibling's horn for auditions (the sibling is in college and not playing at the moment)...

ME: That would be cool if you could use (sibling)'s horn. It's really nice...
KID: The Selmer? I don't even know how to use that!
ME: it's still a saxophone...

A Quick Holiday Quiz

How can you tell that Christmas is coming?

1) Colder temperatures.
2) Carols playing over the piped-in music at the mall.
3) Starbucks starts using the red cups.
4) You hear oboes playing "Deck the Halls" in the adjacent practice room.
5) All of the above, but you'd prefer to avoid #2 and #4 as much as possible.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things Upon Their Return to Lessons

I taught a student this week who came back for a few lessons after a six-month hiatus, and I let him know that there was space for him to return on a permanent basis if he wanted to do so...

ME: So I can definitely make a space for you if you want; I had one at the beginning of the year, but you didn't take it.
KID: I was gonna come back, but I thought I knew everything...and then I went to All-District, and I heard all these people doing all these dynamics and things, and I was like, "Crap! How do you even do all those things in one measure? It was like a sucker punch!"

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

During a recent lesson, I caught a kid doing a missed articulation...

ME: The C# on the third beat isn't tongued.
KID: I knew that. I was testing you.
ME: Well, I passed....

Random Kids Say the Darnedest Things

I just heard this gem from a kid (probably middle school-aged) in front of me in line at Starbucks: "I had a dream that a dinosaur swallowed me whole, and I had a lightsaber and I cut my way out."

Happy International Saxophone Day

Happy 200th birthday to Adolphe Sax! If not for his invention, I might be a...trumpet player. *shudder*

This is still my favorite comic about Saxophone Day (possibly because it could be the only one, but still...)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Symbols

To set it up, here's a rerun from two years ago this week:

A beginner had his first "line" from the book that actually lasted more than a single line; as often happens, he stopped at the end of the first line.
ME: So how do you know you're not done when you get to the end of the first line? What's missing?
KID (points to double bar): Black thing!
ME: What's the black thing called?
KID: Black thing!

That one cracked me up so much (mostly because the kid said it with so much determination) that I've mentioned it to subsequent beginners upon their arrival at that line, and it's become a running joke between me and some of this year's crew.

So one of them was fooled by the two-line line recently, and I asked him the same thing...

ME: So how do you know you're not done yet?
KID (points to double bar): It doesn't have that thing right there.
ME: What's that thing called?
KID : The stopper?

Kids and Teachers Say the Darnedest Things As Tryouts Approach

This weekend is All-District for my seventh- and eighth-graders, so it's dry run time...

ME: We need to run through all your scales and the two etudes, and then we'll have a mock audition.
KID: What does that mean?
ME: Thar means that you audition, and then I mock you.
KID: (gives me a sad look until he realizes I'm not serious)

Later on, the same kid missed an easy key signature note and realized it fairly quickly...

ME: Don't stop and hang your head in shame; we have a lot to do today.
KID: Is this the mocking part?
ME: Only if you miss easy key signatures like that.

Broadcasting a Happy Birthday to My Old Employer

Happy 45th birthday to my former employer, KNTU, which signed on for the first time on Halloween, 1969. And for a number of years, its studios were located in what was considered by some to be a haunted house. I wrote a ghost story many years ago on the subject for this blog, so check it out if you haven't yet done so.

Kids Have the Darnedest Things Happen to Their Horns

This was a first for me: As a kid picked up his alto to prepare to play an étude, his thumb rest just broke clean in half! It split in two on either side of the large screw, with both sides falling on the floor.

But the kid was still able to play, resting his thumb up against the bottom of the chromatic F# key guard. (I told him that if he felt it rubbing up against the metal too much, he could tape his thumb up like a conga player might do.)

(College) Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Instrument Selection

During a recent combo rehearsal, I was asked how I came to choose the saxophone...

ME: I really can't remember; it looked like a lot of fun; a bunch of my friends were playing it...so, it wasn't exactly "all the cool kids age doing it," but that was a factor.
KID: I've seen those selection sessions at school before, and it's crazy. These people who are going to be musicians...it's like picking your Pokemon at the beginning of the game, and it's yours for the rest of your life.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Big Horns

Surprisingly, the top-band bari players at all three of my middle schools are seventh graders this year, and needless to say, there's been some adjustment to the big horn for all of them, and some new accessories for it...

ME: That's a cool harness you have there. And I bet you like it a lot more than you would a neck strap.
KID: A neck strap would break my spine!

Principals Say the Darnedest Things About Technology

An assistant principal at one of my schools came up with this beautifully misspoken sentence during a recent announcement: "If you are listening to music on your devices, you must be using headbuds."

(Reminds me of the time in my youth when my dad--the official starter for the neighborhood swim meets--called out an event as the "13-14 year-old girls' breaststyle.")

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instruments

The bari player mentioned in yesterday's KSTDT had an interesting thing to say about his horn during his own lesson time...
KID: This is my bari. Actually, he's more like my friend that I completely control.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Transposing Instruments

A kid was looking at my roster as he signed it, and noticed the name of one of his bandmates, who had recently switched to bari...
KID: So you still teach (other kid's name)? Do you bring your bari or something?
ME: I don't have to bring my bari to teach a bari player. We play the same exact notes an octave apart. The bari is an Eb instrument, just like you and I both play the Eb alto.
KID: Oh yeah...
ME: So do you remember why we play Eb alto saxophones? (I was hoping he'd remember that our C matches the Eb on the piano)
KID: Because we're cool?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Commerce

A student recently showed up with a new horn, and we were both very pleased with it...

KID: This horn was supposed to cost $4000, but it's used, so it was only $2000.
ME (thinking $4K was a bit steep for that model, and doing a quick online search): That's interesting; I see one here on Amazon for only $1300.
KID: But you have to remember tax.

(I assured the kid that the sales tax on $1300 wasn't $700, and found out that, here in Texas; you'd have to spend almost $8500 to generate that much tax.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instructor's Analogies

This year's All-State music has a passage where there are four sixteenth notes with the articulation "tongue one, slur three" for multiple bars. I tell my students to think "Tatiana, Tatiana" to play the articulation correctly..

ME: I think that's the easiest way to imagine that articulation. Just think of some Russian gymnast or figure skater; Tatiana is a nice Russian name that's easy to remember.
(Kid plays passage with correct articulation, but his fingers fumble and he adds a few extra notes to one beat.)

ME: Nice grace notes there.
KID: Tatiana fell down.