Baristas Say the Darnedest Things, and I Respond in Kind

Just a typical recent coffee order... BARISTA: And what's the name for that order? ME: Kevin. BARISTA: Ok. I don't have to ask you how to spell that, do I? ME (laughs) I hope not. (pauses) Actually, I spell it with a Q... BARISTA: (laughs) ME: I would be so mad at my parents if they'd done that. (I suppose that, considering all the viral posts about misspelled names at Starbucks, they have to ask almost anyone whose name is more complicated than "John" these days.)

Good News for a Sleepy Monday

Did you have trouble feeling alive this morning? Did you love the "java jive" as much as it loved you? Well, maybe you should; new research from Florida shows that coffee may help reverse memory loss from Alzheimer's:

The Florida research, carried out on mice, also suggested caffeine hampered the production of the protein plaques which are the hallmark of the disease.
Previous research has also suggested a protective effect from caffeine.

It might be amusing to see the caffeinated mice running around all hyper and everything. But this is something that would be good if it could be replicated in humans.

It's funny--I wasn't much of a coffee drinker until the end of undergrad school, when I did my student teaching under a couple of band directors who went through a large can of Maxwell House in less than a week (I know this, as I was sometimes the guy sent to get more if they ran out). The coffeepot was a popular gathering place for band directors and private teachers alike, and it was the first time I'd ever seen that type of camaraderie in a school situation. (I even had a designated much, which read "If At First You Don't Succeed, Change the Rules.") And the "kick" of the coffee really did help make it through a long teaching day.

But when I got done student teaching, it was still in the pre-Starbucks era in Texas by a few years, so I went back to the monstrous sports bottle of Dr Pepper to get me through my radio shows, though I would sometimes have a cup of coffee and a donut or two on my way to teaching (the quirk of my commute at the time was that I could leave an hour and a half before school started and be there 45 minutes early, or leave an hour before school started and, more often than not, be late). I may have even had a hand-me-down coffeemaker at home, but I didn't know how to use it and didn't realize it was as easy as it is.

So when did I become a Coffee Guy for good? While I had Starbucks every Saturday before work and every Sunday before church once they came to town, it would still be a little while before it would become a part of my morning ritual. That happened ten years ago this coming fall, when I played a wedding gig in Austin that lasted way longer than it was supposed to. Long story short, we didn't have a hotel room and had to drive back to Dallas at one in the morning. That prompted a stop at an Exxon Tigermarket, which introduced me to the first really good gas station coffee. I would stop at one of those stations every morning after that for the next five-and-a-half years, until I started making it at home. I always joke with the students that you wouldn't want to come in for a lesson until I'd had my morning coffee, and there's probably some truth to that.

And it's now been two weeks since I've been to Starbucks, two nights before my surgery. Not being able to drive has given me extreme cabin fever, and the usual cure for that--going to Starbucks to read for a while--requires, well, driving. I bet you can guess one of the first things I'll do once I'm mobile again...

These New Commercials Already Get on My Nervés

If you've watched any TV at all recently, you've probably seen the commercials for McDonald's new "McCafé" products. There are actually several of these ads out, but the one that drives me bonkers is the one which tries to show that, by snagging one of these drinks, the average working Joe or Jane can turn the daily commute into a "commuté" or a cubicle into a "cubiclé." My response? Puké. (And sometimes, to navigaté to a completely different channel.)

Does this commercial drive you as nuts as it does me, or is your tolerance for silly just a little bit higher than mine? (And, honestly, I thought I had a pretty big tolerance for silly, but this one just sets off the gag reflex in me for some reason.)

And it's been funny to read about how Mickey D's is launching these new products--and upgrading their regular brewed coffee--in an effort to "compete with Starbucks". Really? You think that's gonna work? I can point to only one segment of the customer base who might warm to this idea: Those who only use the drive-thru window and never go inside. For everyone else, it's all about atmosphere, and the atmosphere in a McDonald's is almost the polar opposite of that of a Starbucks.

Think about it for a second: A Starbucks is usually relatively quiet, save for the Frappuccino blenders, with straight-ahead jazz playing in the background more often than not. People are working on things on their laptops, playing games, maybe meeting with a Realtor or starting a new business deal. On a good day, you might even smell the baked goods up front. It's my favorite place to chill with friends or read a magazine or newspaper, and that atmosphere is a big part of the overall package.

Now let's contrast that with the average McOonald's: The first word that comes to mind is "loud." Think of a noisy kitchen, big long lines on occasion, and the constant squeals of kids (should you happen to sit too close to the McPlayland). If I wanted a quick breakfast, or a place to bring the (theoretical) kids for a while, this would be the perfect atmosphere for that. But in terms of a place where I'd want to chill and read for 30 minutes to an hour, meet with business associates, or hang with friends? Not so much.

But again, my main beef (pun slightly intended) with McDonald's is this ad campaign. Obviously, advertising is supposed to make the viewer want to buy something, but occasionally it backfires and actually produces the opposite effect. For me, this is one of those campaigns. (Longtime Dallasites might remember the old Westway Ford commercials and their "Joe Greed" character, the obnoxious cowboy in oversized boots; that's another one that made me turn away instantly. But the rapping car salesmen of Trophy Nissan always got a laugh from me no matter how many times I saw the spot.)

Do you have a least-favorite commercial--one that completely turns you away from the product being pitched? Tell me in the comments, and feel free to weigh in on the McCafé spots if you so desire.