Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition), Part 3

On this day in 2005, an eighth grader was in rare form...

KID (after having a lot of rhythmic trouble on a piece of music): I think I should start tapping my foot again.
ME: Yes, you really should; it's important.
KID: I thought it was just sort of a ritual...like sacrificing a pig.
(That one stopped me in my tracks; did he really say "sacrificing a pig?" Why yes, he did...)
ME: Well, some people would refer to sacrificing a pig as "barbecue."

And one more:
ME: OK, let's play this all the way through one more time, and don't stop, no matter what.
KID: But what if I sneeze, or have a baby or something?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition), Part 2

The same kid who dissed on flats as a sixth grader (as quoted yesterday) hadn't gained any love for them as an eighth grader when he was given a scale sheet where some of the usual sharp keys (F#, C#) were written as flat keys...

KID: I hate flats! Why would anyone write these scales in flats?
ME: Yeah, most saxophonists don't like flats at all, and I know you don't like 'em. Do you remember a few years ago when you said something about E-flat being a wannabe and F-sharp was the president?
KID: Yeah! That's right! Sharps are cool! Sharps are like the really popular kids that are all "gangsta" and everyone wants to hang around them.
ME: (laughs) And flats are what...the chess club?
KID: Exactly! They're like those little nerdy kids that always get picked on.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition)

While many of the kids are away this week, taking STAAR or TAKS tests, I'll post some of the earliest things in this genre (from my blog, in my pre-Facebook days). Here's some from 2007:

SIXTH-GRADER: I rememberized my chromatic scale already.
(At least he had the basic idea of what he meant to say.)

And then the next kid came in...

SIXTH-GRADER #2: I don't got stuff.
ME: What's that?
SIXTH-GRADER #2: I don't got my check. My brother has the chicken pox, so we're focusing on that right now.
(I was laughing too hard at that to get mad at him for forgetting the money.)

And the second kid came up with another gem the same year. He was playing a piece with two flats in it and kept missing the E-flats. That set up the following exchange:

ME: Someone kidnapped the E-flat! It's the case of the missing E-flat....
SIXTH-GRADER #2: Who cares? Who cares about flats? Sharps are what matter. The E-flat is like some wannabe off the streets. The F-sharp is the president.

There's rarely a dull moment in my job... (And by the way, I still teach Sixth Grader #2 as a high school senior; I wonder if he'll recognize himself when he's able to friend me on Facebook in a little over a month.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Make Up Their Own Jokes

Today, one of them started off a lesson with this groaner:

KID: Why does a flute play so high?
ME: I don't know; why?
KID: Because the instrument does drugs!
ME (shakes head): Boo! That's a bad one...
KID: Oh, c'mon; it's on the flute jokes website!
ME: Really now...
KID: It is! It's really old, though; it's been on there since back when people did drugs.
ME: You mean the 1960s? The only websites in the 1960s involved spiders...

("Back when people did drugs"?  No way was I going to burst his innocence on that one.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Work Habits

This one started right at the beginning of the lesson...

(Kid enters room)
ME: Sup?
KID: ¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?
ME: Estoy cansado.
KID: I don't know what that means.
ME: It means I'm tired. I thought you were taking Spanish this year.
KID: Just because I'm in Spanish 2 doesn't mean I know all the words yet.
ME: Of course, but I figured that's one you'd know by now.
KID: I don't actually try to learn in there; I just want to pass.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Vocalists

At my high schools, we share a practice wing with the choir, so my students have to get used to hearing unusual vocal warmups and so on.

KID: I walked by the choir room and they were doing that "do-re-mi" thing.
ME: Yeah, that's a common vocal warmup.
KID: But it sounded like they were summoning a demon.

(It turns out that this was men's chorus rehearsing, and what the kid heard that sounded demonic was the low-register warmups.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Run Out of Steam in the Middle of Playing Something

This one pretty much speaks for itself:

ME: You don't need a breath after one measure...
KID: It's the American way!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Hear Their Teacher Play Advanced Stuff

I often do a quick chromatic or arpeggio passage to "wake up" my reed if I'm about to play along with a student after a period of not playing. In this case, it really caught the ear of this beginner...

KID: Whoa! How did you do that?
ME: I practiced hard and ate all my vegetables.
KID: That's not a very logical answer.

(It turns out that he totally believed the practice part, but wasn't sold on the vegetable aspect, although he later conceded that I was probably healthier from eating some vegetables than if I'd subsisted primarily on chocolate cake the whole time.)

Later on, I did a similar fast lick when joining him again...

KID: Wow, you must know all the notes!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Get Musical Terms Mixed Up

This one started when a kid added an extra eighth note to something he was playing...

ME: Yay--a 4 and a half/4 bar!
KID: That's a fun key signature...

(I'm not sure that I've ever played in the key of four and a half beats per measure before.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Making Musical Puns

I was getting ready to play a duet with a beginner; when he saw what was coming up next, he said, "Oh, it's a duet! And I can't duet without you!"

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When You Pass Them in the Hallway

Heard this morning:

CHOIR GIRL #1: I like your shoe bottoms!
CHOIR GIRL #2: I know, but my feet are freezing!

(Shoe bottoms??)

UPDATE: I realized later that she could have been wearing these.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They MIsunderstand What You Say

The kids are on a roll again: This one said that his mind was working a little slowly today, describing it as "having a blonde day."

KID: Most people don't believe it, but I used to be blonde.
ME: That's not so unusual. I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, then my hair got darker and my eyes turned green.
KID: What? Your hair turned green?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Nonverbal Cues

This morning, a student was having trouble coming in on an upbeat while playing a duet where my rhythm was different...

ME: I'm not sure how you missed that again; I even gave you a cue leading into the upbeat there.
KID: Oh, I thought you were just spazzing out.

(A few minutes later, the same kid said "You look like a tomato" when I played a long passage on one breath. My reply was, "Wow, you're full of compliments today, aren't you?")

Adults Say the Darnedest Things

As I was teaching lessons at the home studio tonight, the doorbell rang a few minutes before the next kid usually arrives. I had the kid who was finishing up his lessons continue to play as I answered the door.

But it wasn't the next kid; it was a lady that I had never seen before.

ME: Hi, can I help you?
LADY: Oh, that's just beautiful! What is that sound?
ME: It's a saxophone.
LADY: That's so nice. I'm just in the neighborhood seeing if you'd like to have your rugs shampooed. (Hesitates a second, still listening to saxophone.) And that's your doorbell? It's still going?
ME: No ma'am, that's someone playing saxophone, and I'm teaching him a lesson right now.
LADY (looks embarrassed): Oh, I see. But that sound really is beautiful!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Jazz Standards

I had mentioned something about how undesirable it is to play robotically, and this kid was trying to reference the video of the robot playing Giant Steps...

KID: I was looking for John Coltrane on YouTube...what was that song called, Small Steps?

Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

The kids are on a roll today: We were discussing slow tempos today, and I mentioned that one of the slowest ones, Grave, was usually reserved for funeral marches...

KID: Oh, like in Louisiana, right?
ME: You mean like a New Orleans jazz funeral?
KID: Yeah, like they do in New Orleans and Louisiana.
ME: New Orleans is in Louisiana.
KID: Oh man, I couldn't remember; I thought maybe New Orleans was in Florida.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Physical Ailments

Overheard in the hallway this morning on a cold day: "I'm gonna get no-monia from workin' out." (As one of my Facebook commenters pointed out, that's better than having some-monia.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Themselves

This morning, one of them was happy about an upcoming birthday...

KID: I'm so happy! Next week is my birthday!
ME: Oh, you'll be 16, right? The drivers license birthday!
KID: (gives sad look)
ME: Oh, you haven't completed driver's ed yet. Well, you can still go get a job!
KID: I don't know. I don't think I could get like a fast food or server job, because I don't like people...

Adults Say the Darnedest Things, Especially When Kids Set Them Up For It So Well

At the beginning of a lesson...

KID: So what are we going to do today?
ME: Same thing we do every day, Pinky--try and take over the world!

Good Grammys/Bad Grammys

Good Grammys: Having Chick Corea, Stanley Clarke and Kenny Garrett doing a Brubeck tribute. Bad Grammys: Having that tribute last about 2.5 seconds.

Good Grammys: Their support of music education and the announcement of an outstanding music educator recognition award starting next year. Bad Grammys: Of all the musicians in the "in memoriam" montage, the studio audience applauds the loudest for MCA of the Beastie Boys. (Not slamming his skills in the genre, but more applause than Brubeck or Andy Griffith?)