Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Famous Classical Compositions

Since I slacked yesterday and didn't post, here's a bonus KSTDT: Last week, I was letting a student know that we'd be starting the very basics of improvisation the following week...

ME: So next week, we'll go the piano room and start improv.
KID: But I don't play piano!
ME: You won't be playing piano; you'll be playing your sax. I don't play very much piano myself, but I can play the two chords we'll use for your first improvisation.
KID: The only thing I can play on piano is that "Da da Da da Da da Da da Daaaaaah."
ME: Ahh yes, "Für Elise."
KID: Yup--by Mozart something-or-other.

(To his credit, the kid did pronounce "Mozart" correctly...)

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

I have a feeling that a lot of kids will say the darnedest things before I leave on my trip next week. It happened again...

ME: Next week, we're taking the jazz band to a festival in Vermont.
KID: Vermont--that's in Canada, right?
ME: Close-- it's right next to it. And that's funny; the other day, a kid thought it was in New Hampshire.
KID: Well, I was closer.
ME: Actually, you're equally close; Vermont borders New Hampshire on the east and Canada on the north.
KID: I'm still closer.

(I did have to concede that the part of Vermont where we'll be is slightly closer to Canada than New Hampshire.)

Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

When I mentioned the upcoming college jazz trip to Vermont, the kid nailed the area of the country but missed badly in terms of sovereignty...

KID: So you're going to Vermont?
ME: That's right.
KID: Isn't that in New Hampshire?
ME: Right next to it.
KID: Oh yeah--it's a state!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Modes

 I was reviewing them with a kid earlier in the year, and he thought he remembered all the names...

KID: I know all the scales: Dorian, Midolyxian...Mixolyxian?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Elements (and Food)

Another one that got caught up in the pipe until now...

A while back, a student came up with this gem: "I don't like scales...unless I'm eating fish."

(But even then, wouldn't you remove the scales before eating?)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Their Teachers Bend the Rules

I just realized that I've stockpiled quite a few Kids Say the Darnedest Things quotes that never got posted during the year...so I'll post one of them every school day from now till the end of the public school semester (unless any new ones come up). Here's the first one, from a high schooler...

KID: We watched a "visual representation" in English class.
To "enhance our understanding" of To Kill a Mockingbird. Because we're not allowed to watch "movies."

(For everything in quotes above, the kid was making air quotes with his fingers.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Alternate Fingerings

Here's how a student described his reluctance to switch from side Bb to bis, even when it made the arpeggio in question a lot easier to play: "It's like switching religions."

(I spent the rest of the lesson repeatedly encouraging him to join the Church of Bis.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Other Sections in the Band

I was reminding a student of the importance of keeping going after making a mistake when we're in "performance mode," and I was treated with this gem...

ME: Imagine what the whole band would sound like if everyone stopped whenever they made a mistake...
KID: Our trumpets wouldn't even play!

(Cue sound of trumpet section being thrown under the bus...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Written Edition)

I was amused by a handmade recruiting poster for the high school colorguard that I saw today. According to the poster, Reason #1 to join is "Get tan."

(Reason #2, in case you were wondering, is "Make tons of friends.")

(College) KIds Say the Darnedest Things About Professional Licensing

The subject of medical excuses for missing class came up, and someone wondered if anyone who was a doctor would be able to write his/her own excuse note in that situation...

ME: We had a doctor in big band who lasted about 2 weeks. He even came to auditions in scrubs! But he was still interning, and he always ended up being on call during rehearsal times and having to leave.
KID: So what, he didn't pass his bar exam or something?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Math

This beginner was learning about dotted quarter notes and reviewing the idea that a dot placed after a note adds half the value of that note...

ME: So how many beats is a quarter note worth?
KID: One.
ME: And what's half of one?
KID: Zero?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition), Part 3

On this day in 2005, an eighth grader was in rare form...

KID (after having a lot of rhythmic trouble on a piece of music): I think I should start tapping my foot again.
ME: Yes, you really should; it's important.
KID: I thought it was just sort of a ritual...like sacrificing a pig.
(That one stopped me in my tracks; did he really say "sacrificing a pig?" Why yes, he did...)
ME: Well, some people would refer to sacrificing a pig as "barbecue."

And one more:
ME: OK, let's play this all the way through one more time, and don't stop, no matter what.
KID: But what if I sneeze, or have a baby or something?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition), Part 2

The same kid who dissed on flats as a sixth grader (as quoted yesterday) hadn't gained any love for them as an eighth grader when he was given a scale sheet where some of the usual sharp keys (F#, C#) were written as flat keys...

KID: I hate flats! Why would anyone write these scales in flats?
ME: Yeah, most saxophonists don't like flats at all, and I know you don't like 'em. Do you remember a few years ago when you said something about E-flat being a wannabe and F-sharp was the president?
KID: Yeah! That's right! Sharps are cool! Sharps are like the really popular kids that are all "gangsta" and everyone wants to hang around them.
ME: (laughs) And flats are what...the chess club?
KID: Exactly! They're like those little nerdy kids that always get picked on.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things (Classic Edition)

While many of the kids are away this week, taking STAAR or TAKS tests, I'll post some of the earliest things in this genre (from my blog, in my pre-Facebook days). Here's some from 2007:

SIXTH-GRADER: I rememberized my chromatic scale already.
(At least he had the basic idea of what he meant to say.)

And then the next kid came in...

SIXTH-GRADER #2: I don't got stuff.
ME: What's that?
SIXTH-GRADER #2: I don't got my check. My brother has the chicken pox, so we're focusing on that right now.
(I was laughing too hard at that to get mad at him for forgetting the money.)

And the second kid came up with another gem the same year. He was playing a piece with two flats in it and kept missing the E-flats. That set up the following exchange:

ME: Someone kidnapped the E-flat! It's the case of the missing E-flat....
SIXTH-GRADER #2: Who cares? Who cares about flats? Sharps are what matter. The E-flat is like some wannabe off the streets. The F-sharp is the president.

There's rarely a dull moment in my job... (And by the way, I still teach Sixth Grader #2 as a high school senior; I wonder if he'll recognize himself when he's able to friend me on Facebook in a little over a month.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Make Up Their Own Jokes

Today, one of them started off a lesson with this groaner:

KID: Why does a flute play so high?
ME: I don't know; why?
KID: Because the instrument does drugs!
ME (shakes head): Boo! That's a bad one...
KID: Oh, c'mon; it's on the flute jokes website!
ME: Really now...
KID: It is! It's really old, though; it's been on there since back when people did drugs.
ME: You mean the 1960s? The only websites in the 1960s involved spiders...

("Back when people did drugs"?  No way was I going to burst his innocence on that one.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Work Habits

This one started right at the beginning of the lesson...

(Kid enters room)
ME: Sup?
KID: ¡Hola! ¿Cómo estás?
ME: Estoy cansado.
KID: I don't know what that means.
ME: It means I'm tired. I thought you were taking Spanish this year.
KID: Just because I'm in Spanish 2 doesn't mean I know all the words yet.
ME: Of course, but I figured that's one you'd know by now.
KID: I don't actually try to learn in there; I just want to pass.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Vocalists

At my high schools, we share a practice wing with the choir, so my students have to get used to hearing unusual vocal warmups and so on.

KID: I walked by the choir room and they were doing that "do-re-mi" thing.
ME: Yeah, that's a common vocal warmup.
KID: But it sounded like they were summoning a demon.

(It turns out that this was men's chorus rehearsing, and what the kid heard that sounded demonic was the low-register warmups.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Run Out of Steam in the Middle of Playing Something

This one pretty much speaks for itself:

ME: You don't need a breath after one measure...
KID: It's the American way!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Hear Their Teacher Play Advanced Stuff

I often do a quick chromatic or arpeggio passage to "wake up" my reed if I'm about to play along with a student after a period of not playing. In this case, it really caught the ear of this beginner...

KID: Whoa! How did you do that?
ME: I practiced hard and ate all my vegetables.
KID: That's not a very logical answer.

(It turns out that he totally believed the practice part, but wasn't sold on the vegetable aspect, although he later conceded that I was probably healthier from eating some vegetables than if I'd subsisted primarily on chocolate cake the whole time.)

Later on, I did a similar fast lick when joining him again...

KID: Wow, you must know all the notes!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They Get Musical Terms Mixed Up

This one started when a kid added an extra eighth note to something he was playing...

ME: Yay--a 4 and a half/4 bar!
KID: That's a fun key signature...

(I'm not sure that I've ever played in the key of four and a half beats per measure before.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Making Musical Puns

I was getting ready to play a duet with a beginner; when he saw what was coming up next, he said, "Oh, it's a duet! And I can't duet without you!"

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When You Pass Them in the Hallway

Heard this morning:

CHOIR GIRL #1: I like your shoe bottoms!
CHOIR GIRL #2: I know, but my feet are freezing!

(Shoe bottoms??)

UPDATE: I realized later that she could have been wearing these.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They MIsunderstand What You Say

The kids are on a roll again: This one said that his mind was working a little slowly today, describing it as "having a blonde day."

KID: Most people don't believe it, but I used to be blonde.
ME: That's not so unusual. I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, then my hair got darker and my eyes turned green.
KID: What? Your hair turned green?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Nonverbal Cues

This morning, a student was having trouble coming in on an upbeat while playing a duet where my rhythm was different...

ME: I'm not sure how you missed that again; I even gave you a cue leading into the upbeat there.
KID: Oh, I thought you were just spazzing out.

(A few minutes later, the same kid said "You look like a tomato" when I played a long passage on one breath. My reply was, "Wow, you're full of compliments today, aren't you?")

Adults Say the Darnedest Things

As I was teaching lessons at the home studio tonight, the doorbell rang a few minutes before the next kid usually arrives. I had the kid who was finishing up his lessons continue to play as I answered the door.

But it wasn't the next kid; it was a lady that I had never seen before.

ME: Hi, can I help you?
LADY: Oh, that's just beautiful! What is that sound?
ME: It's a saxophone.
LADY: That's so nice. I'm just in the neighborhood seeing if you'd like to have your rugs shampooed. (Hesitates a second, still listening to saxophone.) And that's your doorbell? It's still going?
ME: No ma'am, that's someone playing saxophone, and I'm teaching him a lesson right now.
LADY (looks embarrassed): Oh, I see. But that sound really is beautiful!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Jazz Standards

I had mentioned something about how undesirable it is to play robotically, and this kid was trying to reference the video of the robot playing Giant Steps...

KID: I was looking for John Coltrane on YouTube...what was that song called, Small Steps?

Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things About Geography

The kids are on a roll today: We were discussing slow tempos today, and I mentioned that one of the slowest ones, Grave, was usually reserved for funeral marches...

KID: Oh, like in Louisiana, right?
ME: You mean like a New Orleans jazz funeral?
KID: Yeah, like they do in New Orleans and Louisiana.
ME: New Orleans is in Louisiana.
KID: Oh man, I couldn't remember; I thought maybe New Orleans was in Florida.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Physical Ailments

Overheard in the hallway this morning on a cold day: "I'm gonna get no-monia from workin' out." (As one of my Facebook commenters pointed out, that's better than having some-monia.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Themselves

This morning, one of them was happy about an upcoming birthday...

KID: I'm so happy! Next week is my birthday!
ME: Oh, you'll be 16, right? The drivers license birthday!
KID: (gives sad look)
ME: Oh, you haven't completed driver's ed yet. Well, you can still go get a job!
KID: I don't know. I don't think I could get like a fast food or server job, because I don't like people...

Adults Say the Darnedest Things, Especially When Kids Set Them Up For It So Well

At the beginning of a lesson...

KID: So what are we going to do today?
ME: Same thing we do every day, Pinky--try and take over the world!

Good Grammys/Bad Grammys

Good Grammys: Having Chick Corea, Stanley Clarke and Kenny Garrett doing a Brubeck tribute. Bad Grammys: Having that tribute last about 2.5 seconds.

Good Grammys: Their support of music education and the announcement of an outstanding music educator recognition award starting next year. Bad Grammys: Of all the musicians in the "in memoriam" montage, the studio audience applauds the loudest for MCA of the Beastie Boys. (Not slamming his skills in the genre, but more applause than Brubeck or Andy Griffith?)

So Your Kid Wants to Be a Music Major...

Perhaps you should let him. It is interesting how supportive some parents can be in terms of their kids' participation in band, orchestra or choir, right up until the point when one of them decides to pursue it as a career...

A weird thing about a lot of parents is that they beam and glow when their kids get solos in orchestra, band and choir in high school, but they freak out when the same talented kid says “I want to study music in college.”

I don’t get it. You raise a kid to have pluck and self-determination, and then when the kid says “I love playing my instrument more than anything, and I want to pursue my passion as a career,” the parent flips out.

Right now is the time of year when parents call me in a frenzy of parental angst about their children’s musical aspirations. They sound panicky on the phone. A child has decided that he or she loves music, and the parent is certain the love of music is going to send an accomplished, self-directed kid straight to Skid Row. They ask me, “Am I dooming my child to a life of poverty if I let him major in music?”

That's from a wonderful new blog post by Liz Ryan, CEO/founder of Human Workplace, and, yes, holder of a vocal performance degree. She calls her post "Let the kid study music, already," and she makes some great points about how the study of music has value that carries over to other disciplines, even if the student doesn't end up doing music full-time after graduation.

I know I mentioned it on this blog before, but a good friend of mine--a tuba-playing mortgage broker--feels that his music education degree is his ace in the hole; the discipline, time management, and multitasking skills, along with other good qualities noted by Ryan in her post, have given him the edge over many of his coworkers over the years who may not have had such a rigorous course of study.

Like any major, music isn't for everyone, but, as Ryan says, studying it doesn't necessarily doom someone to a life of poverty.

Read the whole thing.

KIds Say the Darnedest Things About TMEA, Parts 1 and 2

PART 1: I was reminding a student at the end of a lesson that I wouldn't be there next week because of the big music convention, and his parting words were as follows...

KID: Have a nice trip to San Antonio! Is your wife going with you?
ME: She'd have to exist first.

(He gave me a sad look, so i tried to alleviate his embarrassment by adding, "Maybe I'll meet her down there!")

PART 2: As I was reminding more people that there would be no lessons a few days next week because of TMEA, I explained the whole concept--that it's a big music teachers' convention in San Antonio--to a beginner.

KID: I've been to San Antonio twice! But I still can't spell it.
ME: Oh, I bet you can. S-A-N, space...
KID: A-N-O...
ME: It's just the name Antonio.
KID: A-N-O-T-Y.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Heritage

I can't remember what prompted this, but it was funny...

KID: My family's mostly from Asia--the Germany area.
ME: Germany's not in Asia.
KID: OK...they're near Asia.

(College) Kids Say the Darnedest Things About the Role of the Bassist in a Big Band

I forgot to post this one earlier: During a rehearsal last week, the bassist kept dropping out at random times, much to the chagrin of the director, who's also a bass player. Finally, he had to make a strong statement...

DIRECTOR: Bass players never stop playing!
BASSIST: Even when there are rests?

Ten Years Later, We Still Remember

I can't believe that it's been ten years to the day since the Columbia disaster--part of which I witnessed firsthand without knowing what I was seeing at first. One year later, once I had become a blogger, I recounted my recollection of the morning, but I'll repost it here in its entirety as well:

GREENVILLE, TX: The sun rose brightly on the outskirts of town on a crisp Saturday morning. I wasn't usually up this early on a Saturday, now that I was freed of the weekend job I'd had off and on for over a decade. But this was a special weekend: my annual Province Workshop for Sinfonia, where all the chapters get together for a big weekend-long meeting. This year it was being held at Texas A&M-Commerce--a small school in a small town, but one of my stronger chapters.

Seeing as how Commerce wasn't a big place, I didn't want to tax their hospitality by staying with one of the local brothers, so I got a hotel in Greenville, the nearest big town. I had the place to myself, at least on paper, but James (my collegiate representative), Baker (who would be elected this morning to that post for next year), and about four other guys from UNT crashed on my floor that night. No biggie--it's all about the brotherhood.

Since I was running the meetings, I left around 8:00 a.m. to get back to Commerce. I went in the lobby to check out of the hotel; Baker, who was riding up there with me, stayed in the car. When I came out, I was greeted by a loud noise, the likes of which I had never heard before. Baker was outside the car, looking at the noise's source.

A large jet contrail, much bigger than usual, appeared in the morning sky above. It was beautiful...as I watched it, the main stream kept going forward but also split off into equal arcs to the right and left. I wasn't sure, but I thought I was watching an exquisitely-choreographed military training flight. Baker had been in the military before college, so it made sense why he was watching it, but I was equally enraptured.

The only thing was, I was pretty sure that we weren't anywhere close to a military base. That spawned an exchange that neither of us would understand for a while: "I wonder what we're near," I asked. "Armageddon," replied Baker. Even though that didn't make sense, we watched the display until it no longer could be seen, and then we got into the car to head to the meetings.

As the coffee-and-donuts hour drew to a close and we got ready to start the meetings, James pulled me aside for a second. "I thought maybe you might want to make an announcement or something; I just heard on the radio that the space shuttle blew up." Only then did I realize what Baker and I had seen, and our conversation now made sense (he knew it hadn't been a training flight and thought maybe it was an asteroid hurtling toward the earth).

Just like when Challenger had gone down so many years before, the viewing audience had gotten complacent, taking the safe return of NASA missions for granted again. To tell the truth, I had even forgotten that Columbia was still up there, much less that it was scheduled to land today.

Though the meetings continued, the thought of what happened was never far from anyone's mind. On the way home, my radio was glued to the news station. There was a definite pall over the day--that sadness that you feel because of what happened, whether you knew the people or not. Thankfully, other things weren't canceled either; seeing my buddy Lee in Grease proved to be a good escape from reality on this day.

Even a decade later, everything written above is pretty much seared into my mind for good, I'd think. We have not forgotten you, Columbia Seven.

(College) KIds Say the Darnedest Things About Departed Jazz Masters

Yesterday in combo, a question arose regarding which octave the bassist should play in when using a bass clef lead sheet; we decided that the high notes were meant for trombone melody, and the bassist should play roots, as the melody notes were not in the typical bass range in the first place.

ME (to bassist): Or you could just double the melody using harmonics. It'd be really high, but I bet Jaco could do it.
OTHER COMBO MEMBER: No, he couldn't...he's dead.

Kids Continue to Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Terms

This one had to stop after the tempo went astray...

KID (pointing to the word "subito," which means "suddenly"): So "subito" means to speed up, right?
ME: Ha, not at all. How'd you get that? (sounds out syllables) Soo-bee-toh...suh-peed-up. OK, I see how you got that.

JK is Carrying Esbjörn's Torch in Fine Fashion

On New Year's Day, I posted a list of my favorite new jazz CDs of 2012. Despite formidable competition from the likes of Pat Metheny and Kenny Garrett, I gave top honors to a Swedish piano trio that's not particularly well-known, but should be. The group is called the Jacob Karlzon 3, the CD itself is called More, and my favorite tune on the album is the opening track, "Running." It has definite shades of both Metheny and Esbjörn Svensson (Karlzon's late countryman, from whom it could easily be said that he has inherited the title of standard-bearer for the "New Piano Trio" genre).

"Running" was featured in a teaser video promoting the album's release last August, and now there's a full-length video for the song. Enjoy!

Some Great Words from MLK About Jazz

Happy MLK Day! Dr. King was a big jazz fan, and he wrote some program notes for the 1964 Berlin Jazz Festival. He had some great things to say about our wonderful art form. Here's my favorite quote:

Jazz speaks for life. The Blues tell the story of life's difficulties, and if you think for moment, you will realize that they take the hardest realities of life and put them into music, only to come out with some new hope or sense of triumph.

This is triumphant music.

As always, read the whole thing. (Hat tip: Kurt Elling's Facebook page.)

This Blogger Speaks the Truth

Via multiple Facebook friends, I came across this post from a blogger calling herself Facetious Firecracker, entitled What Every Music Teacher Wants You to Know. I'll share a couple of the "money quotes" here:

Without music programs in schools, we risk losing part of our culture for the future. When we examine past cultures, what do we use to judge how civilized they were? Paintings, musical compositions, architecture, tools, language, and clothing. In other words – ART. In fact, we use the fine arts of past cultures to judge how much they knew about our current so-called “core subjects.”

Do you think people in the future are going to look at our standardized test scores to see how well we lived? Of course not. They’re going to study our ability to create ART.

[...]We didn’t go into teaching music because we wanted to get better at math. We want what we do to be valued for its own purpose. We want people to think it’s important to have music in schools, well, just because it is! Imagine your life without music.

Silent commercials and movies, with the exception of dialogue. Awkward silences while shopping. Silent car rides. All in all, pretty boring. We teach music because it’s like painting for your ears. It expresses emotions. It can even change your emotions.

Read the whole thing.

Region Ruminations

No matter how seldom I may blog these days, I always find things to say on the night that I've attended the All-Region Bands concert every January. The region where I teach is known for having strong band programs, and the result is a fine evening of music, even though the kids have had less than 24 hours (last night and most of the school day today) to rehearse the music. And while I've blogged about Region for almost the entire ten years in which this blog has been in existence, the post has been very similar each year, with only minor edits (I somehow neglected to post last year, but 2011's post may be found here), but this year, I seem to have come up with several new ideas. As always, this doesn't pretend to be a review of the concert, just whatever random thoughts popped into my head as I was listening.

• Let's get my own numbers out of the way first: There were eight in all from my studio--five freshmen, a sophomore, a junior and a senior (plus one more junior who plays another instrument but studies jazz saxophone with me). The fact that five out of the nine saxes in the freshman band are my students certainly bodes well for the future, I think.


• This concert is set up to run like clockwork--there is a 45-minute slot allotted to each band, and everything started within a minute of the posted time. While this meant that, for "marathoners" like myself who stayed for the whole thing, there were some fairly substantial lags between bands, it worked out perfectly for the families of the students in the later bands, who may have just been there to hear their own kid's band. But the fact that five bands--one freshman band and four high school bands--can complete a concert in less than four hours, year after year, is indeed impressive.


• Thinking about the above, it occurred to me for the first time that this event really isn't one concert--it's five mini-concerts. There was a more substantial amount of turnover between bands than I recall seeing before, but that may well have made room for everyone, though there were seats to spare during each band. (I've never done the math to figure out whether anyone's auditorium could hold a cumulative audience, but I have my doubts, especially if kids stuck around to watch their friends in later bands.)


• In many ways, this concert hasn't changed much over the years. But here's one way in which it has: During one band, I looked up a few rows to see a parent recording the concert on his iPad. Granted, that's less obtrusive than a big honkin' video camera (a few of which were there as well), but it was funny to watch a small facsimile of the concert in real time on a tiny screen like that.


• One of the conductors programmed his own composition, which he claimed received its final edits on the plane ride to Dallas. I'm trying to remember if we've ever had a composing clinician in this region before; surely we've had Holsinger or Ticheli at one point. (Also, the composing conductor went baton-less for the composition right before his, but picked up the baton for his own piece. Anyone have a big philosophical statement about baton vs. no baton? It's been a while since I've picked one up, of course...)


• What's up with weird lighting things going on at this concert? Two years ago, the dousing of the house lights resulted in the stage lights going off as well...while a band had started to play! This time, the lobby lights went dark for a while; it was funny to watch everyone proceeding cautiously through the hall by cell phone light. Also, the house lights here apparently had no dimmer switch; it went, rather jarringly, from very bright to very dark within a nanosecond.


• I got to thinking about the whole idea of how to set up a band. It was different with every conductor tonight (with the exception, of course, of obvious things like the flutes in front and the percussion in back). Most other musical ensembles--big band, orchestra, chorus) have a fairly standard setup, but the band is subject to not only the whim of the conductor, but perhaps the pieces being played (to possibly create a "stereo" effect of different motifs being passed from section to section).


• I still like the new "wind ensemble" music better than the older "band" music (and I have yet to make my post about how film scoring saved classical music), but there were certainly plenty of composers making great, symphonic music for band before John Williams and his progeny came on the scene. Two of the best of the "old" composers writing in a "new" way--Vittorio Giannini and Ron Nelson--were represented tonight.


• One of my favorites among the "old" works is Ralph Vaughan Williams' "English Folk Song Suite." Both the MC and the conductor who programmed this work pronounced Vaughan Williams' first name as "Rafe"--just as I've heard with the English actor Ralph Fiennes, but never with anyone else. RVW was always just good ol' "Ralph" to us. (Also, if you're familiar with this work, ask me about my programmatic interpretation of the second movement--it's very dark. Also, the first theme in the third movement sounds a lot like "The Twelve Days of Christmas." Gets a chuckle out of me every time...)


• The "theme" in our region has been to get the top two directors from a major university to be the directors for the top two bands. This year, the guys came from Oklahoma State, and they did an outstanding job. While all the bands did well, the top two, being made up mostly of kids who made at least Area if not State, take things to a whole new level. It's hard to believe that they're high school kids who had less than two days of rehearsal to put this together.

Did you really make it through this whole post? Congrats; you're a marathon winner in much the same way as those of us who stayed for the entire concert!
I'm sure I'll be writing a similar post next year. Stay tuned!

Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things About Their Mistakes

Today, one of them just completely fell off the track, rhythm-wise...

ME: Hang on a second--not only did you miss a note, but that sixteenth note section just got really, really fast all of a sudden.
KID: Yeah, I'm not sure what happened there.
ME: It's almost like you stopped controlling the horn, and it took over.
KID: In Soviet Russia, saxophone plays you.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When They're Making Excuses for Their Mistakes

ME: Hang on--you turned that eighth note into a quarter note. And you also forgot to tongue anything.
KID: That's 'cause it's a Wednesday.
ME: What does that have to do with anything?
KID: I'm just not a Wednesday person.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Band Music

This one was describing some of the new stuff that was passed out to them this week...

KID: We have a lot of weird key signatures, like 6/8.
ME: The key of 6/8, huh? So how many sharps or flats are in that one?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Why They're Rusty After the Break

This beginner was definitely in that situation ...

KID: I couldn't play over the break, 'cause I was sick the whole time...
ME: That's no fun.
KID: My mom said I couldn't get my germs on it.
ME: I see..
KID: I gotta get back in the rhythm and mojo.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things on the First Morning of a New Semester

While most of the kids I saw before first period were (as expected) dragging a bit, one was almost literally bouncing off the walls. As she jumped up and down a bit, she turned to me and waved. KID: Hello! I'm hyper! ME: Nice to meet you, Hyper.

Kev's Top Ten Jazz CDs of 2012

Happy New Year! As I try to get back to regular blogging (a pursuit which has often been sidetracked by my involvement with Facebook and Twitter), one of the seemingly obvious things to post here would be a list of my ten favorite new jazz releases of the past year. If you're my friend on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, you've seen all these recordings under the "Playing in the Kevmobile" heading (a weekly summary of which should return here this coming weekend, and I'll try to update the missing past year or so shortly), but I've never actually tried to rank them in any way until now.

So without further ado, here's my list. (Your mileage may vary, of course, and you're welcome to put your own thoughts in the comments.)

• 10. The eponymous debut by the Dafnis Prieto Proverb Trio (Dafnison Music). Cuban-born drummer is joined by keyboardist Jason Lindner and singeresbjorn/rapper Kokayi fuse together a wide variety of styles into something that's truly unique.
• 9. Christian Scott, Christian aTunde Adjuah (Concord Records). Ambitious double-length release from New Orleans-born trumpeter who constantly pushes the boundaries of his music into adventurous new places.
• 8. Donny McCaslin, Casting for Gravity (Greenleaf Records). Prolific tenorman who would be a household name in a perfect world scores with a new release that blends electronics with more traditional sounds and includes a great cover of a Boards of Canada song.
• 7. Esbjörn Svensson Trio, 301 (ACT Music). The late Swedish pianist had not one, but two albums' worth of music in the can at the time of his untimely passing. The first one, Leukocyte, had a much darker air about it than any of the trio's earlier releases; the remaining material, found here, is overall a return to the more uplifting mood that one came to expect from e.s.t. Overall, a fitting coda to a remarkable body of work.
• 6. Neil Cowley Trio, The Face of Mount Molehill (Naim Label). I've really been getting into a lot of European piano trios who have been doing some very interesting and creative things with that format, and this UK threesome's latest release is loaded with memorable tunes that keep me coming back again and again.
• 5. Snarky Puppy, groundUP (groundUP). The Pups celebrate their own imprint under the Rope-a-Dope umbrella with their second "live in the studio" effort. As always, it's full of win--memorable tunes, funky grooves and virtuosic musicianship. These guys have done their hometown of Denton proud, though their repidly-expanding tours mean they don't get to come home as much these days.
• 4. Kenny Garrett, Seeds From the Underground (Mack Avenue Records). Perhaps the finest altoist of his generation (and certainly, outside of Bird and Cannonball, the most-imitated by younger players), Garrett returns with his first album of all originals in a while, and to these ears, it's his best work since the classic Songbook album.
• 3. Gwilym Simcock/Tim Garland/Asaf Sirkis, Lighthouse (ACT Music). The Lighthouse Trio has appeared on a couple of previous albums under the leadership of saxophonist Garland (and primarily featuring his compositions). But with their ACT debut, the trio has moved towards being more of a true collective, with everyone contributing to the songwriting and the musicianship of young British pianist Simcock coming more toward the forefront. The tunes are catchy, the musicianship is superb, and the combination of textures (Garland often puts the sax aside in favor of bass clarinet, and Sirkis' unconventional drum kit is made up of all kinds of things) is always enjoyable.
• 2. The eponymous debut by the Pat Metheny Unity Band (Nonesuch Records). The highly-anticipated meeting of the eminent guitarist with reedman Chris Potter, bassist Ben Williams and Metheny's longtime drummer Antonio Sanchez more than lives up to expectations; it truly is a unified whole, rather than just another "supergroup," and the collaboration translated to an equally impressive live show.
• 1. Jacob Karlzon 3, More (ACT Music). The Swedish pianist, joined by cohorts Hans Andersson on bass and Jonas Holgersson on drums, was not unfamiliar to me, as I already owned two of his prior releases, but when this new release was announced on Karlzon's Facebook page, the audio samples and teaser video grabbed me and never let go. It's as though Karlzon is taking the work of his late countryman Svensson to interesting new places, with a strong Metheny vibe thrown in (especially on the opener, "Running"). There are a lot of styles represented here (he covers Nik Kershaw and Korn on this album), and of all the recordings that made it into my CD player or laptop this year, this is the one that had the biggest emotional hold on me and kept me coming back for, well, More.

OK, there's an elephant in the room here--an album that I can't possibly rank, but it deserves mention in any year-end post on this blog: Kris Berg and the Metroplexity Big Band, This Time/Last Year. Why can't I rank it? Because I play on it! But I'd sure love it if you bought it, and I'd like to think that I'd listen to it regularly even if I wasn't one of the performers. My longtime friend and colleague has come up with some outstanding compositions and arrangements for large ensemble, and the solos--from the likes of Wayne Bergeron, Clay Jenkins, Chris Vadala, and Delfeayo Marsalis, as well as some outstanding local players, are just killin'.

Also, you may notice that three of the albums on the list come from Germany's ACT Music, which has easily emerged as one of my favorite labels this year. I finally got a couple of actual CDs from them (the Lighthouse recording, and one by the Yaron Herman Trio), and I love the packaging and liner notes as well. I'd buy all of their stuff in hard-copy form if the imports weren't so pricey.

And coming up in 2013, the most anticipated new release of this month ahead has to be Chris Potter's ECM debut, Sirens, with Craig Taborn, David Virelles, Larry Grenadier and Eric Harland. It drops in just four weeks!

Parents Say the Darnedest Things?

A few hours ago, my dad and I were undertaking the potentially futile mission of buying a gallon of milk at a little before 9 p.m. on Christmas Eve, and the usual places were all showing as closed...

DAD: Oh, look--that gas station has a convenience store. Maybe they have milk..
ME: They might, but you'll pay out the wazoo for it if they do.
DAD: That's OK, we'll check anyway. And I'm bringing my wazoo in with me when we go.
ME: To pay out of?
DAD: That's right.

Not That I Thought It Was Going to Happen in the First Place...

but I'm glad I made it through my dentist's appointment today without the Apocalypse taking place.

A Little Light Driving

Now that I've finally had some time off, I've been able to enjoy one of my favorite holiday traditions: Going out to see some of the amazing light displays that are found all over the DFW area. That means it's also time for Kev's Annual Lights Post, where I run down a list of my favorites:

• Deerfield in Plano: For my money (which pretty much involves only the gas to get there), this is the best all-around neighborhood in the area for lights. It has a wide variety of streets that are easy to traverse once you've done it a few times, most of the neighborhood participates (there were fewer "Scrooge" houses this year than before), and now it features the Zephries house on Old Pond Drive, which now has 104,000 lights synchronized to music. There's also the Gordon Lights on Quincy at the north end of the subdivision that has a very nicely-synchronized display, and this year, they've really outdone themselves. (Both the aforementioned houses also serve as drop-off points for various charities, so, if the spirit moves you, bring a new unwrapped toy for Toys for Tots or a non-perishable food item for the North Texas Food Bank to the Zephries display, or cash/gift cards for Operation Homefront to the Gordon display.) The carriage and limo rides make this area an even bigger attraction, and I've always thought it would be cool to park nearby and do a walking tour like many of the neighbors do. (When I went on Tuesday night, the weather wasn't really cooperating at first, but I got there after the rain had stopped and made it through the area pretty efficiently, missing only the Zephries house. Hats off to the other homeowners for keeping everything on well past ten.


• Frisco Square: Over the past several years, Frisco has become one of the top attractions in the area, with even more lights to its amazing display from last year (among the highlights for me are the lights that go across the two main buildings, which totally surrounds the viewer with light). As before, everything is synchronized to music, which can be heard either from a low-powered FM radio broadcast or from speakers near the buildings.
  And if you make it to Frisco, be sure and drive a few miles east to see the Trykoski house, where the designer of the Frisco Square lights calls home. This year, they have 85,000 lights in their display, which is also synchronized to music. (And I probably don't need to point out that nearly all of the displays with synced music include the song that's become the unofficial theme of such things: "Wizards in Winter" from this CD by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I think the entire genre started with Carson Williams in Ohio, whose display became the subject of a beer commercial a few years ago.) Incidentally, the Trykoskis are collecting canned goods for Frisco Family Services.


• SpringPark in Garland/Richardson: The classic neighborhood of mostly cul-de-sacs, each with a different theme. Among my favorites are the displays on Silver Maple and Buckethorn, as well as the continuous train motif along Lake Shore Drive, and Debra Court was again full of win this year with its "12 Days of Redneck Christmas" theme (though they should have gone in reverse order like the song does; you'd have to drive on the wrong side of the road to sync with the song. Quite a few of the streets were more sparsely lit this year, which has been a trend for a while now; I wonder if I was just there on a night when a lot of people were on vacation.(Speaking of SpringPark, I got a kick out of a sign in front of one house in the area: SOY TO THE WORLD. GO VEGAN!)


• Interlochen in Arlington: I haven't been here in a few years (though I'll try this year, as it's been extended through Dec. 31), but this neighborhood is unique in that several streets back up to a large canal, so the backyards as well as the fronts are decorated. This area is not too far from Six Flags, and, like the amusement park, there are signs along Randol Mill Road listing estimated times until you get to the lights. I need to make this one again soon.


• There are also two houses in Rowlett worth seeing: One on Dogwood Trail that's all done up in neon (evidently, the homeowner also owns a neon sign company) and the Belcher house on Faulkner Drive; there's also a perennial favorite in Carrollton on Timberline at High Sierra that always goes all out, even decorating the garage as a Santa's Workshop.


• New to the list this year are a couple of houses in Woodbridge North in Sachse (off Ranch Rd. between SH 78 and Dewitt/McCreary). One house was particularly decked out--the whole house and yard covered in lights, various flashing things...the only thing lacking was the music; I bet this display would have been really cool synced to "Wizards in Winter."
  The house next door, much more modestly decorated, included a big red illuminated arrow pointing to the decked-out house, with one simple word: DITTO."

As always, if I've missed anything, please let me know in the comment section. I'm a big fan of Christmas lights, so I'd always be interested in seeing something new.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things, Sometimes Completely at Random

The subject of the All-State Jazz Band came up this morning, and a student pointed out that she might go down to San Antonio to hear them in February...

ME: Oh, that's cool. Their concert is right before the Community College All-State Jazz Band.
KID: They have a Community College All-State Jazz Band too?
ME: They sure do; one of my students made it this year.
KID: That's so cute!
ME: Cute??
KID: I mean cool. That's so cool.

(I was finally able to discern that she had been saying everything was "cute" all weekend, so it wasn't as if she was dissing our two-year schools or anything like that...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About My Holiday Travel Plans

This one, a beginner who started at my house over the summer, was wondering what happened over the break...

KID: So over Christmas, do we have lessons at your house again, or do we just not have lessons?
ME: Probably no lessons, because I'll be traveling on your lesson day during both of those weeks.
KID: You'll be traveling to China!
ME: Ha--why China? So I can buy toys from right where they're made?
KID: You're gonna teach the Chinese kids to play saxophone, so they can entertain themselves.

One, Two...

In all likelihood, only my jazz musician friends will get this one...

So if today, 12/12/12, is National Soundcheck Day (think about it), will 12/12/34 be National Jamey Aebersold Day?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Weekend Practice Habits

Now that contest solos are being selected, we're going over them for the first time...which doesn't mean it's supposed to be *their* first time.

ME: So you got to look at this over the weekend?
KID: I did.
ME: Ok, then let's see where you are with it at the moment.
KID: (gets look of horror on face) By myself?
ME: Oh, I see--so when you said you looked at it, you meant you literally just looked at it; you didn't actually practice it.
KID: Yes.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Unusual Instrrumentations

Yesterday, I was helping a student find a saxophone trio, which falls under the Texas UIL classification of a "miscellaneous woodwind ensemble." Some of the groupings are a bit unusual (example: flute, oboe, bassoon, Bb clarinet, bass clarinet, tenor sax, horn), and the kid was amazed that such ensembles even exist...

KID: That's just so weird! It's like eating a banana with ketchup.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Texas Geography

While exchanging the usual how-was-your-Thanksgiving pleasantries on the way to the practice wing this morning, the following conversation took place:

KID: So did you get to go anywhere?
ME: Yeah, I went to Sugar Land. And that's a real city, not a kids' amusement park.
KID: Oh, I've heard of that. It's on the way to Lubbock, right?
ME: Only if you're really lost.

Cool, Story, Bro...Literally

I found a heartwarming story today while surfing the web: Kids meet as friends and then discover that they're actually brothers.

They Were Targeting Unsuspecting Customers

I own a red polo, and I do all my grocery shopping at Target. Needless to say, I don't wear the former when doing the latter (never mind that the employees wear T-shirts now, not polos). But it's funny to see people pretending to work there and customers falling for it.

Just Enjoyed a Traditional Thanksgiving Dinner...

...of oysters, Belgian waffles, and bacon.

(As well as turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, etc. We are at the neighborhood country club, where those first three items were part of the buffet. I had to try them, just because...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Instructors

After I did a quick warmup (that was fairly note-y and range-y) upon arrival at my last school of the day, the sixth-grader I was teaching said, "Wow, that's like the Michael Jackson of saxophone!"

No Matter How Bad of a Day You Might Have Had at Work Today...

it likely doesn't compare to this.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Holiday Music, and Their Directors Respond in Kind

KID: I don't understand why we're playing sixth-grade music.
DIRECTOR: "Sleigh Ride" is not sixth-grade music, unless your sixth-grade director was an idiot...which is possible.

(After that the director and i were imagining "Sleigh Ride" as played by sixth-graders: I noted how slow it would be if played in whole notes, while he pictured a beginner's attempt to play the "real" version: "OK buddy, more air.")

Kids Respond to the Darnedest Things?

My fellow saxophone teachers will definitely get a kick out of this: At the end of the first page of high school All-Region Étude 1, there's a measure of triplets that are all articulated "tongue one, slur two."
One kid was having trouble with that articulation this entire time, until a weird thought hit me: "Say 'tortilla' four times. Now play the measure while thinking that." The kid nailed it!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Own Abilities

Right off the bat this morning, the first student mis-counted the first note of the first étude we played.

ME: Hang on--you don't want to miss your very first note. How long is that note supposed to be?
KID: Three beats.
ME: And how long did you play it?
KID: Two beats.
ME: And why did you do that?
KID: Because I'm stupid!

(We both had a good laugh over that one...)

Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Symbols

Forgot to post this yesterday: A beginner had his first "line" from the book that actually lasted more than a single line in the book; as often happens, he stopped at the end of the first line.

ME: So how do you know you're not done when you get to the end of the first line? What's missing?
KID (points to double bar): Black thing!
ME: What's the black thing called?
KID: Black thing!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Fashion

Behold the following exchange in the hallway;

GIRL 1: Oh, I love your shirt!
GIRL 2: Me too! I love it!
GIRL 3 (the wearer of said shirt): This? I hate this shirt!
(...a brief pause while some figures out the obvious follow-up...)
GIRL 2: So why are you wearing it?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Their Own Clumsiness

This morning, I had a bari player whack the doorway with his horn on his way into the practice room, followed shortly thereafter by his chair, and then me (in the funnybone--what a misnomer!). After I yowled a bit, we had the following exchange:

ME; A little clumsy today, you say?
KID: Well, at least it wasn't a tuba!

Bandmates Say the Darnedest Things

My friends at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor will get a kick out of this one: Yesterday morning between church services, I was talking with another member of the worship band about why I was out of town the previous two Sundays...

ME: And this past Sunday, I helped put on a concert in Belton.
BANDMATE: Belton? Is that even in Texas?

You Know It's Going To Be An Unusual Day...

...when you ask the first student of the day to play a scale, and he offers up C# Locrian. (This student has not yet studied the modes, mind you; he just decided it would be a good idea to put two sharps in his C major scale, one of them being the root.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Hard Key Signatures

Yet another freshman was lamenting the Ferling étude in five flats that's part of this year's all-state music, and I reminded him that the reason it was in Db and not C# was because Ferling was an oboist, and they like flats a lot more than we do.

KID: I think I'm somewhat racist against flats.
ME: That's a prejudice that is perfectly OK to have.
KID: Or would that be "notist"?
ME: Accidentalist? Keyist?

These Guys Were Unified, To Say the Least

Ever since the announcement of Pat Metheny's latest project, the Unity Band (with saxophonist Chris Potter, bassist Ben Williams, and longtime Metheny sideman Antonio Sanchez on drums), expectations have run high. The release of the group's debut recording this summer certainly lived up to expectations, but the true icing on the cake would be seeing the band in live performance, and those of us in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area had that opportunity last night at the House of Blues.

I hadn't gotten to see Pat live since March of '08, when even a late snowfall couldn't keep me from making it to Bass Hall in Ft. Worth to catch his newest trio (featuring bassist Christian McBride and Sanchez on drums). As I wrote then,

When Pat Metheny plays his hollow-body guitar, it's as if all is right with the world. His sound is immediately recognizable, and it projects a warmth and optimism like no other (as I've said before, it's reflective of his Midwest upbringing--like a drive through the country on a perfect Sunday afternoon).

And just like last time, the show started with Pat alone onstage, playing his unusual 42-string Pikasso guitar (and getting all kinds of cool sounds from same). As the rest of the guys entered the stage, the unusual four-necked instrument was also used on the opener, "Come and See." The show was off and running, and from that point, we were in for two hours of wonderful music.

As might be expected from a band with a single recording under its belt, the vast majority of tunes came from that album...but as might be expected at a Metheny show, the man has a vast back catalog, and he's not shy about rearranging things from Pat Metheny Group records, his solo work, or even collaboration with other artists in new and interesting ways. So it almost wasn't a surprise when, around halfway through the show, the band broke out with the classic tune "James," from 1982's Offramp. Though originally recorded with a piano and no saxophone, it sounded fresh and completely natural in this new version.

One personal highlight of the night was when some large cabinets in the back, virtually unnoticeable if one wasn't looking for them, were unveiled, revealing them to be a small part of the Orchestrion that was used on the 2010 album and tour of the same name--one of the few times I've had to miss him on tour. It was very enjoyable getting to see this thing in action; as I said, it was a scaled-down version of the instrument (which uses Pat's guitar to trigger various keyboard sounds and percussion instruments), but it was amazing to watch it in action (and I really liked the flashing lights that went off whenever a certain instrument made a sound). While one piece on the new CD utilized the orchestrion, it was a pleasant surprise to see it at this show.

Another highlight would follow, as Pat took the time to play duets with each of his bandmates. For Potter, it was Miles Davis' "Solar" with both of them soloing at breakneck speed. Williams joined the guitarist for a lively rendition of Ornette Coleman's "Turnaround," and I'm not sure of the title of the duet with Sanchez--who's always tasty and very fun to watch--but it was definitely fast and furious.

The main portion of the concert ended with the foursome's one recorded tune that was worthy of doing so--the album's closer, "Breakdealer." But pretty much everyone in attendance knew that the show wasn't done. I was trying to figure out what in the back catalog might serve as an encore; "The First Circle" was out, but I wondered if something even older like "Are You Going With Me?" was in the cards.  Sure enough, they fired up the orchestrion and had at it, with Potter getting a nice turn on alto flute.

Still, the audience clamored for more, and Pat happily obliged, returning to the stage for a solo acoustic number. As the beginning lines of "Phase Dance" from the PMG's debut album started to ring out, I was happy...even as it started to morph into a not-6/8 version of "Minuano." He gave us a few more tunes in that manner--the closest he'll ever come to a "greatest hits' medley," no doubt--and concluded the show to raucous applause.

My only quibble all evening was that Chris Potter was so low in the mix--in marked contrast to the recording, where he's quite up front. I've heard that the same thing happened in Austin the night before, so it wasn't just a "the rock guys at House of Blues don't know how to mic a jazz band" thing. Still, even that couldn't mar a stellar performance by four amazing musicians--all leaders in their own right (even relative newcomer Williams released his Concord Jazz debut in 2011)--who came together as one during a most memorable evening. I can't wait for the sequel...

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Adult Privileges

One of my eighth graders was "redshirted" by his parents when he started school, and he lamented the fact that he was old enough to be in high school now, but was stuck in middle school, where it was "boring." I tried to get him to look at the bright side...

ME: But just think of all the things you'll be able to do all year as an 18-year-old senior that most other kids can't do: Vote, buy lottery tickets...
KID: Ride the flying pig!
ME: Wait, what--there's a flying pig somewhere?
KID: Mm-hmm.
ME: And you have to be 18 to ride it?
KID: Yup.

Big Kids Say the Darnedest Things

One of my college students is a senior citizen, and this week at his lesson. we were reviewing chord/scale relationships...
ME: So the first chord of this tune is E minor 7. Which mode goes with that chord?
BIG KID: Dorian.
ME: And how does Dorian work?
BIG KID: Pretty good!

(We both had a good laugh over that one...)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Famous Composers

A quick discussion took place this morning about how music used to be written in manuscript, and how a lot of it was rather messy...

ME: I don't know if you've ever seen a picture of a Beethoven manuscript, but they're amazingly sloppy.
KID: Well, yeah, but wasn't he blind?
ME: No, he was deaf.
KID: Oh, I thought he was born blind and deaf.
ME: You might be confusing him with Helen Keller. But Beethoven had cooler hair.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Musical Accidentals

Now that Region Jazz tryouts are over, the kids who aren't taping for State get to dive into the concert All-Region music, so the subject of the double sharp comes up again...

ME: So what does a sharp do to a note...and I want a better answer than "makes it sharper."
KID: Crap! That's what I was gonna say.
ME: You can give me a better answer than that. A sharp makes a note...
KID: Higher?
ME: Right. By how much?
KID: Twenty cents!

Maintenance Guys Say the Darnedest Things

As my student and I were headed into the practice room at the beginning of class, a guy with a big box of A/C filters said, "Do you mind if i change out your filter real quick? I don't want to disturb y'all's li'l session or anything."

I've heard private lessons called many things (including "tutorials" and--ugh--"privates"), but that's the first time I've heard one referred to as a "li'l session." (Would my college lessons be called "big sessions" because they last an hour?)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About the Order of Lessons

I thought that one particular eighth-grader would want to go first as he did the week before, but he deferred to the seventh-grader next to him.

ME: So why don't you want to go first?
KID: If I go now, I don't go now.
(That statement left me so puzzled that I didn't have a reply.)

KIds Say the Darnedest Things When Their Horns Don't Work

This morning, one of them was having squeaking problems; he looked at his octave key (which can sometimes get bent and not close properly) and asked, "Should this key be more closed-minded?" I assured him that it should remain open to as many differing viewpoints as possible.

It May Be a Great Name for a Lake (and a Rock Song), But My House Will Not Become a "Possum Kingdom"

Last night, there was a mystery afoot at Casa de Kev...

Yesterday morning, when I went into the kitchen, I noticed that a couple of kitchen towels were on the floor, and the little scrubber brush that usually sits above the sink was in the sink; a few of the plastic cups on my counter had also been knocked over. I wondered if we'd had a very small earthquake overnight; i didn't think anything could have run into the house, because I'm too far back from the street and on an elevation.

Those things were a minor annoyance at worst, but I was even more annoyed that the vent duct on my dryer (which I was about to use) was disconnected from the wall, and it took me quite a while to reattach it. But once I got that done, all was well and I left for teaching.

Upon my arrival at home last night, there was no further sign of mayhem in my kitchen, save for one thing: The carafe portion of my coffeemaker, which was drying separately on the counter when I left, was sitting in the middle of the floor! It was unbroken, mind you, but on the floor...and I doubt that it got there on its own power.

So my next-door neighbor and I came to the conclusion that it had to be a critter in the house--maybe a squirrel or large rat, something strong enough to knock the coffee carafe off the counter. And to tie yesterday morning's two events together, it had likely gotten in through the dryer vent...which was, at that moment, preventing its exit.

But a fairly thorough search of the house turned up no sign of a critter, nor had I seen the usual things that accompany such a thing (things chewed up, droppings, etc.). My plan was to leave some things randomly placed on the kitchen counter to see if there was a repeat performance, and I wasn't sure how well I would sleep...

But wait--there's more! The critter was spotted. I found it behind my washer, and appeared to be either a ginormous rat or a possum (the nose made it look like the latter). It was closed up in my laundry room as I threw out suggestions to my friends who were up late on Facebook, and the consensus was to call animal control, who we (correctly) assumed answered their phones 24/7 and dealt with after-hours emergencies.

And just like that, the "siege" was over. The Animal Control guy came in, ducked behind the washer, and carried the possum out of the house by the tail with his gloved hand. I could finally sleep in peace!

(And later today, I'll make sure that the outside of my dryer vent--which opens up into the neighbor's yard--is properly covered.)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About the Obvious

This beginner was having trouble with puffy cheeks, as beginners often do...

ME: So have you gotten to practice in front of a mirror, like we talked about over the summer?
KID: Umm, my horn hasn't been home yet.
ME: You haven't practiced at home at all?
KID: I haven't really figured out how to take my horn home yet.
ME: Figured it out? What do you mean?
KID: Do I come get it after school?
ME: Yeah; you don't have to carry it around to all your classes or anything.
KID: Ooooohhhh...

Auto-Correct Says the Darnedest Things

I was typing out an email this morning and accidentally spelled "yesterday" as "yestetday." When I did that, auto-correct's word suggestion was "redhead terse." I think auto-correct must have been smokin' some auto-crack this morning...

Where Were You...

...eleven years ago, when you heard the news? My story, which is repeated almost unchanged ever year, follows:

I was on a break from teaching, like every Tuesday, and actually spent the time of the attacks in blissful ignorance at a nearby Starbucks. I had CD's on in my car instead of the radio, so I totally missed the news on both the way over and the way back. I did hear someone listening to a radio on the Starbucks patio and they were talking about "the second plane," but it didn't register with me at all. (It amazed me later that nobody walked inside and told us about it.) When I got back to the school, the flute teacher stopped me in the hallway and asked me if all my students were being pulled out of school (evidently hers were). I said, "No, why?" and she told me what had happened. I spent the rest of the day like everyone else, in shocked, depressed amazement, catching the news when I could. There I was, not even two weeks into being a homeowner, and the world suddenly felt so different. It added to the pall cast over everything when I found out that the sister of a girl I graduated from high school with was on Flight 93, the one that crashed in a field in Pennsylvania. (I know that there have been quite a few lists of names read aloud today, so let me share hers: Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas. May she rest in peace...)

The whole thing felt so surreal; how could anyone hate us that much? The concept of the suicide hijacking was unprecedented as well (before that, hijackers just usually wanted to go to Cuba, and that's why airline personnel were taught to cooperate with them rather than try to subdue them).

I know there are still terrorist plots being hatched, and people capable of carrying them out...but I hope nothing like this ever happens on U.S. soil again. Or anywhere, for that matter.

For those who may be new to reading this blog since then, I'll invite you to share your recollections in the comments to this post.

As I've said for several years now, I hope nobody tires of talking about this every once in a while, because if we stop talking, we might forget, and this is a day that need not be forgotten anytime soon.

And it blows my mind that, if I asked some of my current students about that fateful day, their answers would be "I was an infant/toddler at the time."
May we never forget...

KIds Say the Darnedest Things About Exotic Diseases...

...and sometimes the teacher responds in kind.  Yesterday morning, the kid I was about to teach was staring at himself in the mirror and fretting over a pimple he hadn't seen before...

KID: Aaaaaah! Where did this come from? I probably have some awful disease.
ME: Yeah, you've probably contracted West Nile. [feigning sad face] It's been nice knowing you...
KID: Yeah, and by now, it's changed into swine flu.
ME: Right...because you were just standing outside, and a pig came up and bit you.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Unusual Accidentals

The All-Region music for saxophones this year has some double sharps in it, and most of the freshmen haven't seen then before...
ME: So this sign is called a double sharp. Do you know what a double sharp does to a note?
KID: Makes it even sharper?
ME (laughs): Well, that's not a wrong answer, but I'd like more details. So by how much does a single sharp raise a note?
KID: Umm...
ME: I'll give you a hint--it raises it by a half...
KID: A half note!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Band in General

Kids say the darnedest things about band in general. I was helping an alto player who was just switched to tenor with his new concert pitch transpositions, and he was having a little trouble...

ME: Just think for a second. You're in school now, so you're supposed to start thinking again.
KID: Yeah, but not in this class!

The New School Year Has Begun, and Kids Are Already Saying the Darnedest Things

Today, a beginner who started with me about a month ago was learning some new low notes...

ME: So if you take the F that you're fingering now and add one more finger, you have...?
KID: An E! just like on recorder!
ME: That's right! And what would you get if you added one more finger?
KID: An H?
ME: No, there's no such note as H. But look what we've been doing: We started with a G, and then we keep going one letter earlier in the alphabet. So what comes before E in the alphabet?
KID: I got it...it's an I.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Bach Compositions

The marching show music for one of my high schools includes a famous one by J.S. Bach, the name of which the kid was trying to remember...

ME: Don't forget, this comes from a famous piece by Bach; you could look it up and listen to it if you want.
KID: Oh yeah I remember--it's called Vodka...no, Veronica...
ME: Toccata...
KID: Right! Toccata and Feud.
ME: Fugue.

(Come to think of it, "Vodka and Feud" might be a good name for a country song.)

More from the Department of Redundancy Department

I passed a truck today that had "FedEx Express" painted on the side. Since FedEx is short for Federal Express, wouldn't that mean this truck was Federal Express Express? (That's almost as good of a redundancy as entering your "PIN number" at an "ATM machine"--especially if you use the cash you receive to pay for the "SAT test.")

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Alternative Modes of Transportation

As the first kid I taught today was going out the door, I noticed that the car which was picking him up was very lengthy...

ME: Wait...is that a limo?
KID: Yup.
ME: Why are you getting picked up in a limo?
KID: We got nothin' else.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Hard Key Signatures

Upon seeing that one of this year's All-Region sax etudes is in Db major, one kid said, "Wow, this key fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Instrument Makers

KID: So who came up with the fingering system for the saxophone, anyway?
ME: Well, that would be the inventor of the instrument, Adolphe Sax.
(Obligatory "Adolf? As in Hitler?" question from kid follows, as does my discussion of how Sax was Belgian and spelled his first name differently.)
ME: He basically tried to improve upon the fingering system of the clarinet...which makes sense, because legend has it that his father invented the bass clarinet.
KID: What was his father's name?
ME: I have no idea.
KID: Was it Mr. Clarinet?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things at the End of Camp

As I visited each sectional rehearsal of my band this afternoon, one of my trumpet players had an interesting goodbye message for me: "Don't get hit by an airplane!" I assured her that I would try to avoid such things...

Kids Say the Darnedest Things When Wearing Superhero Costumes

A kid at camp spent the entire day dressed as Batman, and we crossed paths at the beginning of the day...

ME: Nice costume. But I bet it's tough to wear that today, considering how hot it is outside.
KID: That's why I'm in here.

(Oh, and Batman apparently plays the trombone. Who knew?)

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Music History

The subject of Bach came up when we were working on a section of a high school marching show for next fall...

KID: You said that Bach only wrote for piano, because the saxophone wasn't invented yet, right?
ME: Actually, the piano wasn't even invented until partway through Bach's lifetime.
KID: Really? So what kinds of instruments were alive in Bach's time?

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Singing

This beginner was playing low F for the first time, and I was showing him how to make an "AH" sound to open the throat...

ME: (plays low F)
KID: (sings along with me and matches my pitch almost perfectly)
ME: Good! That was a real good job of singing .
KID: Really? I could get a job singing?
ME: Ha, that's not what I said; I'll let the American Idol judges make that decision. I said you did a *good* job of singing.
MOM (in living room): (laughs)
KID: Aww man, I thought you said I could get a job singing!

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Reeds

It's always funny to see the looks on the faces of brand-new beginners as they wet a reed for the first time...

ME: So what do you think--the reed doesn't taste too good, does it?
KID: It tastes like a mouse ate some wood, then spitted it out and gave it to someone else to try.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things About Sharps

Today, the subject for this eighth-grader was E-sharp, and we started by discussing the effect of sharps in the first place...

ME: So what does a sharp do to a note?  And I want a more detailed answer than "it makes it sharper."
KID: Aww man, that's what I was gonna say!
ME: No, I want a little more detail than that. So again, what does a sharp do to a note?
KID: Makes it louder?

It's Summer, But Kids Still Say the Darnedest Things

This one was learning the Region Jazz etudes for the first time...

ME: This next tune is called a ballad. Do you know what a ballad is?
KID: Something you vote with?

The Class of 2012

It's graduation day for the two high schools where I teach! Congrats to Tyler, Tyler, Tyler and Tyler (lol)...along with Alex, Bobby, Brad, Cailey, Cameron, Connor and Drew. Some of you I only taught for a short time, while others were with me all seven years of secondary school. I"m happy that many of you will continue to play in college, but no matter what, I hope that music will continue to be an important part of your lives.